| Jon
Arnold
Nobody gets married expecting to get divorced
at some future point. Divorce is painful, both emotionally and
mentally and can also create tremendous levels of stress for you,
your spouse, and of course your family, kids, and friends. Even
your close friends will not be comfortable in knowing what to
say to you, for fear of setting you off by saying the wrong thing
at the wrong moment. Some people have even been disciplined or
fired from their jobs because of the incredible lack of ability
to focus on anything else that is created by the weeks and months
of the divorce process.
No, it is clearly not a pretty picture. So before
you just “react” to your spouse with a divorce declaration,
be sure that is what you really want to do. Do not even use that
threat in passing or in a moment of anger because it can easily
come back to haunt you in the future.
Let us start with some assumptions. You are considering
divorce for what appears to you to be a very good reason, and
from all signs you can discern, your spouse is in agreement. But
is that something that the two of you have determined in a moment
of anger, a moment of disagreement over something which at the
core of it, is really quite petty? Be sure you know your reasons
because you need to remember this is real and is going to hurt,
this is not a dress rehearsal.
Let us also assume that at the core of things,
neither you nor your spouse really wants to get a divorce. There
is too much at stake. Even if you do not have kids (which complicates
the whole divorce situation by an order of magnitude), there are
financial considerations, tax considerations, as well as your
feelings and those of your friends and family who want to support
you.
At the very heart of any relationship is the aspect
of communication. Disagreements between people, whether in a marital
situation or virtually anywhere else, can generally be traced
back to a failure to adequately communicate. Sit down and TALK
with your spouse. A great idea before you start the discussion
is to both agree on ground rules for the discussion, which some
have even taken the time to write down on a small grease board
of piece of paper. Items included on the ground rules list would
be things like absolutely no raising the voice, no shouting, no
accusations, and more along the same lines. Remember, you are
both adults and as adults, there should not be any issue whatsoever
so sit down calmly and talk in a normal tone of voice.
Be ready to compromise and do not come to that
discussion with both barrels already loaded and the trigger pulled
back. Remember, you are going to try to salvage this relationship
and make it better, you are not going into full-scale battle here.
Discuss things openly and honestly. Maybe you have a problem with
his drinking every night. Maybe he has a problem with you buying
more shoes than would accommodate a small third world nation.
Get these things out into the open. You will almost certainly
discover some things that bug him that you did not know about,
and the reverse is equally certain to occur. Then decide how you
can move forward.
Of course, there is always the chance that you
will NOT be able to move forward, but that cannot be determined
until you have had such a discussion as described above, and it
may take several such discussions to find that out. If that is
the case, make sure you know what you are doing when you file
for divorce. The process is tricky and has more legal mumbo-jumbo
than you can shake a stick at.
Article Directory: http://www.articlecube.com Jon is a computer
engineer who maintains web sites on a variety of topics based
on his knowledge and experience. You can read more about divorce
and options at his web site at Divorce Advice.
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