James
Walsh
Among the remaining cases, cheating spouses, whether
quoted as the sole reason or not, remains one of the major factors.
Extramarital affairs have the dubious honour of being the most
common reason for divorce in the USA, the UK, and a number of
West European countries. Infidelity in marriage provokes legal,
social and religious wrath in all countries and cultures, including
those who disapprove of divorce itself. The everlasting tele series
also do not seem to approve of the concept, unless the husband
is portrayed as an abusive tyrant, or ‘abnormal’ in
some way. Books and movies try to lend a celestial, ethereal quality
to an affair where the protagonists are very well-matched. As
a result, a tragic parting between the ill-fated lovers fits cleverly
but perfectly into the scheme.
Why?
Why do two people who had loved each other enough
to have tied the wedlock once fall apart because of a ‘third
party’?
1.The rot within: Some marriages, though they
seem rock-solid to outsiders may be rotten at the core. Many people
drag on with a marriage out of sheer force of habit. Thus, when
someone else comes along, it may be love all over again, or simply
a relief to escape.
2.Midlife crisis: The nation was rocked early this year by the
colourful affair and divorce of a 50+ media tycoon with wife and
children at home. While he dished out a hefty amount willingly
as compensation, he did not commit himself to the ‘other
woman’ either. Perhaps, his hectic life had filled him with
hopes of improbable adventures, and even misadventures, and was
worth it just to escape the daily grind.
3.Lure of the forbidden fruit: A well-settled man or woman may
still have the capacity to be lured by what seems unattainable
and, therefore, attractive. Human beings are not always logical
creatures.
4.The right choice: Many people stumble upon a wrong choice as
a starter, rushing precipitously to marriage. When they do come
across the right person, they move on as sadder but wiser people.
5.Love: The mysteries of this emotion will remain inexplicable
forever, but when it strikes, it cannot be denied.
The Emotions
When an affair happens, a marriage is tested.
It may fall apart, weather the storm, or grow stronger. The usual
gamuts of emotions that rise from an extramarital affair are still
strongly stereotypical.
1.Anger: Yes, true to the movies and novels, couples
still break things, scream and cry when the confession finally
happens. The anger is not at just being individually cheated,
but at a deeper level it is a reaction to the rejection of the
institution of marriage itself. This may sound terribly ancient,
but some things don’t change.
2.Betrayal: Every marriage, even a civil partnership or a same-sex
relation is founded on mutual trust. An affair is exactly the
only sin that seems unpardonable by the laws of this mutual pact.
Couples who are not even married, but are living together, react
with the same intensity when a ‘breach’ happens.
3.Revulsion: This is much more dangerous and complex. The wronged
partner may simply greet the whole thing with a stony silence,
and even if the straying consort is forgiven, a revulsion may
form and eat away at the marriage.
4.Grief: The most normal reaction, since the grief like anger
is not directed only at the facts, but the implication of the
act. However, the grief may also cause a ‘wall’ to
break in a dying marriage and rejuvenate it almost miraculously.
5.Abandonment: Even if a partner has not decided to leave the
marriage, the feeling of being abandoned is strong and persistent.
6.Guilt: There are those who are ridden by guilt even if they
have been unfaithful only in thought, and there are the Casanovas
who fail to understand the concept of guilt itself. Though this
emotion has religious implications in some cultures, it cuts across
all other social differences. Once again, a deep guilt, properly
expressed, can end up in strengthening a marriage.
Divorce?
As suggested above, an extramarital affair may
or may not end in divorce. But if one values one’s marriage
beyond the lures of a momentary fling, it is better to stay away
from temptation.
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