Belinda
Rachman, Esq.
You open up the phone book and are faced with
so many ads for divorce lawyers you have no idea who to call.
Divorce is scary because you have heard so many stories from your
friends about how nasty and expensive their own divorce was. Or
maybe you saw your own parents as they waited for their lawyers
to return their call, and waited and waited. Every month they
would get a bill for each phone call, letter or court appearance
and at the end they hated their lawyer so much that it scares
you now. All of these are typical responses. You have enough self
preservation instinct to be wary of divorce lawyers. Everything
you have seen, heard and experienced is true.
Having been a divorce lawyer since 1996 I will
tell you the dirty inside secrets and warn you what to look out
for. In California and maybe in your own state, divorce lawyers
are the ONLY kind of lawyers whose fees are protected, by law,
by the equity in their client's home. It is important to know
how divorce lawyers in your state are paid and find that out before
you begin. Do they have the right to run up huge bills and then
slap a lien on your home and force a sale at the end of the case?
Over the years I have seen many, many lawyers do everything in
their power to keep the case going so they could run up a bill
because they knew they were going to get paid. People who advertise
themselves as being "aggressive" are playing to your
worst instincts. Doesn't everyone want the MOST they can get in
their settlement? If so, keep away from aggressive lawyers because
by the time they are done, there will be little to divide.
Child custody and visitation issues bring out
the fighting tiger in a lot of people because they are so angry
at their ex it is hard for them to see how much their children
need BOTH parents in their lives. It is the rare case where it
would be in the child's best interest to have limits on parental
contact. Your focus during your divorce as well as your life,
needs to be on what is best for the kids. Divorce lawyers who
manipulate emotionally vulnerable clients by encouraging them
to fight over the children are not doing them any favors. Depending
on the age of the children you may have a very long co-parenting
relationship ahead of you. Do you really need to start World War
III with the father or mother of your child? A more child focused
attorney will understand the need to create a peaceful relationship
with your ex and not engage in a scorched earth policy.
The battle over property division can be the one
that makes the least sense. How often do people spend more money
on the fight than what the stuff is worth? People will get more
if they cooperate with each other. This may seem counter intuitive
to you but it is true. Think of it as dividing a pie. Which way
will you get more, if you cut it in half between the two spouses
or if you cut it in 4ths so that each spouse and their lawyer
gets a share. It seems obvious that the fewer hands in the pie
there more there is to divide.
So what is the solution? How can you find the
right lawyer who has the intention to serve you rather than themselves?
I am going to start by making some statements and then I am going
to ask you an important question. It is a fact that our legal
system is adversarial. That means there is a fight with winners
and losers. The rules of evidence and legal forms are so complicated
you have to hire a guide to get you through the divorce process
because it would be a full time job trying to figure it out for
yourself. So here is the most important question, does it make
sense to avoid the adversarial system for your divorce? If keeping
out of court and saving money on legal fees while protecting your
assets and co-parenting relationship sounds good to you, then
you really ought to explore mediation.
So let's assume you want to proceed with mediation.
You want to make sure the mediator you use has a great track record.
The most important thing you want to know is how many couples
have they worked with and what percentage settled. Once you know
their statistics then factors like price, how long their process
takes, personality preference and the sex of the mediator can
be compared before you make up your mind. The important thing
is to have all the information you need to make an informed decision.
Remember you only get one chance to have a "good divorce"
so don't go down the wrong road because you won't like the destination.
Article Directory: http://www.articlecube.com Ms. Rachman has
been a family law attorney since 1996 and became so disturbed
by our adversarial legal system that she left a successful law
practice and now only does divorce mediation. To listen to an
audio program that goes into more detail on how mediation differs
from litigation, go to www.divorce-inaday.com
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