Michael
Sanford
Deciding on divorce is a big decision. You should
understandthat you aren't a bad person just because you think
you want adivorce. Your spouse is not automatically a bad person
becausehe/she may be causing you to feel this way (or so you maythink),
you're just people, plain and simple.
The Mindset You Need To Make This Difficult Decision
You'rereading this for a reason...because you have been thinking
aboutdivorce for one reason or another. Being in "limbo"
is ahorrible feeling because you can't really get rooted if you
arein limbo...all you know is that you aren't happy and don't
knowwhat to do.
You may feel stuck in a rut or feel like you are wanderingaimlessly.
Whatever the case, not being certain of what willhappen can be
tough to swallow and only contributes to yourbeing unhappy. Another
reason that this is usually a tumultuousand arduous time for people
who are in this stage of lifebecause it usually involves self
reflection and a heightenedawareness that may never have been
reached before in your life.
This can be most difficult and scary, but I assure you it ishealthy
in the long run. When doing this "inward reflection",you
may find out some things about yourself that you may notlike.
You may recall some things you had forgotten. You mayrealize that
this isn't all your fault or you may realize thatyou had a hand
in leading yourself here too. Whatever happensfrom here on in,
your mindset has to be conducive to beingbrutally honest to yourself.
Since this can be a gut-wrenching time in your life, youabsolutely
must realize that one serious danger you face ismaking the mistake
of not being fully aware that people don'tmake clear decisions
during heightened emotional times. You mustremember that emotion
clouds judgment and bad decisions are madewhen the wrong side
of your brain produces something by usingemotion rather than intellect.
This cannot be stressedenough...when making any decision or thinking
deeply about aconcept, make certain that you are logical and impartial
to thebest of your ability. You must be comfortable with finding
flawswithin yourself and realizing that those are flaws that youagree
with. You must be ready to admit self guilt and selffault, or
this won't work.
If you are thinking about ending your marriage, or arecurrently
in the divorce process, the most important thing youneed to do
is accept responsibility for the outcome of yourdivorce. Because
a woman's standard of living generally drops atleast 30% after
a divorce, the decisions that you make now canhave a considerable
effect on your future.
It is wise to establish a plan of action instead of going intoyour
divorce blindly. Begin by being well informed and organizedwith
the Divorce Record Keeper, a comprehensive divorceconsiderations
help guide. This resource will enable you to keeptrack and record
everything about your divorce from start tofinish in a easy to
reference fashion.
If it is inevitable that your marriage will end, utilize thefollowing
divorce considerations to protect yourself. Mostimportantly, if
your spouse has initiated proceedings, do notsign anything until
you are represented and informed by alawyer. Also, do not use
the same lawyer that is representingyour spouse. Retain your own
attorney to level the playing fieldand have fair representation.
The actual divorce process is controlled by the participants.Many
people do not realize that not all divorces must end incontested
courtroom proceeding.
Generally, once you have embarked on a contested divorceprocess,
the types of proceedings from State to State aresimilar, but not
identical. You should consult with a lawyer inyour State about
the specific process.
The length of your case may depend on the state and county thatyour
case is filed in. It often depends on how crowded the courtdocket
may be and often may take a year or more. If contested totrial.
Divorce lawyers can provide sound legal advice and helpyou avoid
costly mistakes when your marriage ends. The divorceprocess involves
many legal technicalities that can affect yourwell being (as well
as your children's) for many years to come.If you are considering
a divorce, or if your spouse hasinitiated divorce proceedings,
the first thing that you need todo is consult a divorce attorney
who specializes in family law.Don't take any action that can affect
your rights before seekinglegal counsel. To protect your best
interest, don't use the samedivorce lawyer that your husband has
retained. You can beginyour search for a divorce lawyer by seeking
referrals throughfriends and family, your state bar association,
or searching fordivorce lawyers in the directories found on the
internet. Lookfor lawyers who are willing to work with you and
fight for yourrights.
Once you have identified some potential divorce lawyers, youneed
to set up an interview to get information on how your casewill
be handled and to see if there is good rapport between youand
the lawyer.If you and your spouse can agree on how to divideyour
property and settle issues related to your children, youmight
consider an filing out your own forms.
For more information on Divorce please visit the Divorce resource
center.
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