| Rita
Willetts
It is often said that buying a house or getting
married are the major decisions in life. But the decision to divorce
is an even bigger decision. This article considers some aspects
of decision making in relation to divorce.
For everyone involved with divorce there is always
going to be pain and stress and hence the decision to proceed
is never easy. When two people marry the idea of divorce is of
course never an issue, nor should it be. But divorce means there
will be a big change in our lives and this in itself can be a
real reason why some people feel unable to go any further with
one. It is an end to the dreams once held and goes completely
opposite to what they envisaged their life would be like. Such
a situation can be a big hurdle, but needless to say, there are
others that will be discussed here.
For many, it is the children that present the
greatest obstacle in the divorce decision making process. Parents
simply hate to cause distress in their children and parents understandably
believe that divorce should not be considered where children,
especially young children, are in the family. However, you have
to appreciate that children are very much aware what is going
on in the household. They can usually detect the attitudes and
unpleasant atmospheres between their parents. Telling children
that their parents are about to divorce sometimes brings the comments
that they knew it would happen because they could see and feel
things were not happy between their parents.
At some point during the divorce process, the
family home will change. Possibly, one of the parents will leave
the home and this will change the dynamics within it. For children
this can be a problem, but what is important is that they need
to know that they can see the missing parent at anytime. And it
is sensible to make proper provisions for access so the children
are as protected as much as possible.
The matrimonial home is often the center of huge
disputes in divorce. But is this avoidable? If you consider that
the house is merely a collection of materials such a timber, tiles,
blocks and shingles then the idea of a home diminishes. In reality,
it is the residents that turn the house into a home. Divorce means
that the parents have become unhappy in the home, too, so why
invest a lot of time in it trying to retain it? Lots of nice houses
exists and with the right touch, these can be turned into delightful
homes. Is it not better to dispose of the once family home and
divide the money received? Use the proceeds to buy another one
as there are many out there waiting for you.
Now that the family home and the children have
been mentioned, it is appropriate to consider the husband and
wife that seek the divorce. The ending of a marriage is very distressing.
Equally, staying in a marriage that is failing is also distressing.
So, is there any real reason why you should continue with all
this distress? It wastes a lot of energy and because of this,
is pointless.
In times gone by, did you have love, happiness,
joy and peace? You need to remember that these emotions have not
disappeared; they are still within you. Divorce or contemplating
a divorce has temporarily shut these out of your life for a while,
but they are waiting to be found and brought to the fore again.
The decision to proceed with a divorce is for
some people harder than the divorce itself. Divorce is the outcome
of enormous pressures such as whether you should or whether you
should not proceed. This is a huge dilemma and only you can decide.
Of course, you can take advice from lawyers, councilors and other
professionals, but in the end it is you that has to decide.
Once the decision to divorce has been made by
one party, and a lawyer has been appointed, there can be quite
a sense of relief as the decision has finally been made and the
rest is essentially a legal process that has to be gone through.
Naturally, the process of divorce will have its own distresses.
You need to realise that by going through this, you are indeed
focusing on a new goal in your life that could bring you happiness
and contentment again.
Only you can decide whether or not to divorce
your partner. Understandably, both parties, whether you are the
petitioner or you are the respondent, will find the proceedings
challenging; ending a marriage is painful.
The decision to divorce is important and you have
to ask yourself is it the right decision at this time. You would
need to think carefully about the consequences of having a divorce
right now, or postponing it until later. Taking advice is a wise
thing to do, and it is sensible to write it all down rather than
trying to remember every word given to you. When you have done
this, like many people, you may find the decision to seek a divorce
now, or to wait a while, is much simpler.
Rita Willetts runs the Apres Divorce web site that focuses on
a range of resources about divorce issues. For more details, go
to: www.apresdivorce.com
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