Jon
Arnold
The romance, the time of dating, the learning
about each other and what things make each other mad, and finally
the proposal, the wedding, the great time at the wedding reception,
and your new life starts. During this period of time, nobody goes
into a marriage thinking that a divorce is on the horizon.
But divorce is a reality for almost 50% of marriages
that happen today. This is not just Hollywood where a typical
marriage is almost a farce and the typical Hollywood marriage
time is measured in weeks and months instead of years and decades.
This is a serious threat that is going on throughout the entire
nation.
Why does divorce happen? One of the primary reasons
for divorce, according to several studies, is the tension caused
by financial problems. This should not be surprising. Many couple
go into a marriage thinking that love will conquer all, but both
people are going into the marriage with a ton of student loan
debt, plus a couple of credits cards, and these factors, coupled
with the myth that two can live as cheaply as one is where much
of the trouble starts.
Another reason is that couples just fall away
from each other. In this busy and very hectic lifestyle that we
all lead, couples don't spend enough time doing things together,
and when they do, that time is filled with arguments and disagreements
because somewhere along the way, they have discovered that they
are no longer on the same page, that same page that they were
on for such a long time.
How do you tell if you should be thinking seriously
about a divorce? It is not an easy decision, and is compounded
even further if there are children involved. If there are children,
you don't want to turn their lives upside down, but is your marriage
something you can "mask" or "pretend" with
until your children are out of college and better able to accept
the fact that their parents are divorcing without throwing a huge
curve ball into their lives? It is something to think about, and
every situation is different and unique.
You need to talk openly and frankly with your
partner about this. The ground rules for such a discussion are
no yelling, screaming, accusations, but rather a calm discussion
between two adults. Without those ground rules, such a discussion
with your partner is only going to serve to aggravate the problem.
You should both go to marriage counseling, together. One or the
other going alone is not going to accomplish anything, unless
recommended by the counselor.
But the first thing you need to do is look deep
within your heart and find out if you really WANT a divorce. Are
you longing for the days of excitement about meeting new people
of the opposite sex where you really enjoyed that game, or are
you really not on the same page with your spouse and do not see
you getting back on the same page, or perhaps have no desire to
be on the same page with them?
Marriage means compromise and that it's not always
your way. Are you willing to compromise with your partner? Are
they willing to compromise with you? Can you honestly say that
you have compromised on those things that irritate your spouse,
and can they honestly say that they have also? An open and frank
discussion can reveal these things, where many times the lack
of communication is the root of the problem. Sometimes couples
can find this out themselves, and sometimes this fact is brought
out in counseling sessions.
Bottom line: sometimes divorce is the best option.
The paths taken by the two people were not a common path, but
two different paths which have taken different directions, so
the people who got married way back when are not the same people
facing each other today. But you need to really examine all the
facets of divorce and determine what is going to make you happy.
Life is too short to be unhappy, although you may find that you
are actually unhappier with the loneliness that can accompany
divorce.
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