Rita
Willetts
It is often said that buying a house or getting
married are the major decisions in life. But the decision to divorce
is an even bigger decision. This article considers some aspects
of decision making in relation to divorce.
If we reflect on the whole subject of divorce,
we first realise that it is far easier said than done. Divorce
is not easy; they all involve pain and distress for all the people
involved. Further, even to consider having a divorce is, in a
way, a change of mind in our lives. This is because when two people
decided to marry, divorce was not even a passing thought. So,
now that divorce is a possibility, we first have to accept that
it is a decision that is opposite to what we ever planned and
this ‘change of mind’ can for many be an obstacle
to seeking a divorce. Once over this obstacle, other possibly
far greater ones have to be considered. Here are a few that may
need to be explored.
For many, it is the children that present the
greatest obstacle in the divorce decision making process. Parents
simply hate to cause distress in their children and parents understandably
believe that divorce should not be considered where children,
especially young children, are in the family. However, you have
to appreciate that children are very much aware what is going
on in the household. They can usually detect the attitudes and
unpleasant atmospheres between their parents. Telling children
that their parents are about to divorce sometimes brings the comments
that they knew it would happen because they could see and feel
things were not happy between their parents.
Divorce brings about changes in the home if one
of the parents finds it necessary to leave. This of course changes
what goes on in the home and for children they can experience
distress because one of their parents is missing. It is therefore
essential that arrangements are put in place for the absent parent
to meet frequently with their children.
The matrimonial home is often the center of huge
disputes in divorce. But is this avoidable? If you consider that
the house is merely a collection of materials such a timber, tiles,
blocks and shingles then the idea of a home diminishes. In reality,
it is the residents that turn the house into a home. Divorce means
that the parents have become unhappy in the home, too, so why
invest a lot of time in it trying to retain it? Lots of nice houses
exists and with the right touch, these can be turned into delightful
homes. Is it not better to dispose of the once family home and
divide the money received? Use the proceeds to buy another one
as there are many out there waiting for you.
Although the home and children have been mentioned,
it is sensible to consider the couple going through the divorce.
Bringing a marriage to an end is very painful, but staying in
a relationship that has gone sour is also horrible. Consider therefore
why you should stay in a relationship that is so bad because it
adds no value to your life and wastes a lot of nervous energy.
In times gone by, did you have love, happiness,
joy and peace? You need to remember that these emotions have not
disappeared; they are still within you. Divorce or contemplating
a divorce has temporarily shut these out of your life for a while,
but they are waiting to be found and brought to the fore again.
The decision to proceed with a divorce is for
some people harder than the divorce itself. Divorce is the outcome
of enormous pressures such as whether you should or whether you
should not proceed. This is a huge dilemma and only you can decide.
Of course, you can take advice from lawyers, councilors and other
professionals, but in the end it is you that has to decide.
However, many people find that after they have
taken advice and formally instructed their lawyer to proceed with
divorce, there is a sense of relief. This relief is a release
of tension because finally the actual decision to divorce has
been made and the rest in a kind of way is just a legal process.
Whilst the legal process of divorce will have its stresses, it
is a fact that you are moving toward a new goal, namely peace
and freedom.
Whoever decides on the divorce, both parties will
feel hurt. Whether you are the petitioner or the respondent, it
will still be an unhappy time for there are no winners in divorce.
But of course, it is important to check if divorce
is the correct thing to do right now. You will need to explore
the consequences of seeking a divorce at this stage in your life,
or postponing it until a later time. It is always a good idea
to find out as much as you possibly can about divorce and it is
advised that you write all you find out down, rather than committing
it to your memory. By writing things down, you will be able to
look at the issues in front of you and your decision to go for
a divorce right now or in a while will be clear to see.
Article Source: http://www.article-matrix.com Rita Willetts strives
to help people seeking information about divorce matters. Why
not go to her web site at: Apres Divorce to see the information
sources available to you. Visit: www.apresdivorce.com
| 
Overview
