| Steve
Roberts
It's a common question. A person (most often a
woman) waits and waits for a man to divorce his wife and begin
a public relationship with her. He always seems on the verge of
doing so, or, at least has good reasons for putting it off.
When will he divorce her? If the question has
to be asked, then the answer is probably, "Never." The
question implies that it has already been too long and that the
promises are not being kept.
Why would a woman hang on, when it would appear
to most outsiders that there is little chance of him leaving his
wife and marrying his mistress?
The answer is never simple. Every person has their
own story. However, it is usually some kind of emptiness story.
It may be a woman in an empty marriage, waiting for the fulfillment
promised with her lover. It may be a single woman unsure of her
worth and glad to receive what attention she can. It may even
be a very accomplished woman that has "fallen" for a
man that "sweeps her off her feet" and then won't come
through with the finish of the story.
In each case, there is the initial titillation
of playing the hide-and-seek game. While this game grows old for
the woman, it continues to provide adrenaline and thrill to the
man. This is a reinforcement for continuing with things as they
are. He may feel like the guilty school boy, but there is a large
part of him that enjoys it.
It's not that he doesn't care for her. He undoubtably
does. But he also cares for his wife, his children, his home,
his car, his career, and hisgood standing in the community. He
cares, but not for her alone. It is obvious from his behavior.
You might wonder how a couple could allow themselves
to get into such an untidy if not immoral position to begin with.
It's been my experience that, except for the serial cheaters,
most couples slide into these relationships through companionship,
not expecting anything more to come of it. Some get there because
their values allow a casual fling and they find themselves much
more deeply attached than they ever intended.
So, what do you do, if you're asking about when
he will divorce her?
You could expose your relationship with him, hoping
this will force his hand and he will leave her. Alas, he probably
won't. You'll probably just force them into marriage counseling
together.
Your best option is to find a life for yourself
apart from him. Very few people can leave a relationship without
another to go to. So, force yourself to date others. Attempt to
find relationships that promise as much or more than the one you
are waiting upon.
If you are married, then get to work on that relationship.
See a marriage counselor. Work out your issues in the context
of your existing relationship before trying to move on to another.
Oh, and what if he does divorce her? He cheated
once (with you), why would you ever trust that he wouldn't cheat
again, this time on you?
Article Source: http://www.articles-galore.com Steve Roberts,
"The Couples Guy," is an experienced Marriage and Family
Therapist who shares tips and real life relationship secrets from
over 20 years of practice. Get Insight and Wisdom for your Relationships
at: www.whatworksforcouples.com/
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