| Tony
L Tate, Fri Dec 9th
I thought I would never feel the light of life
again when Irealized that my marriage was going to end. In fact
I wentthrough a painful year of not knowing if it would end. I
hadseveral months of suspecting that she was having an affair.There
was weeks that I didn’t see her because she was stayingout
all night. I tried to do everything that I thought wouldhelp to
mend the situation. I tried to get her to go tocounseling, talk
to the pastor at church, but the more I triedthe worse my situation
became. She resented me for every thing Itried to do.
I was a total wreck. I had waited until I was
31 beforemarrying. Six years into the relationship we now had
twochildren who were facing with us a life-changing crisis –possible
divorce. As it turns out my wife had already made upher mind.
At the time I felt like it would have been better tolose her to
death, but I didn’t. I just lost her and she wasstill there.
There was nothing I could do to make her change hermind.
I prayed day and night, every moment I could find.
I fastedmostly because I had no appetite. It was all I could do
to forcemyself to drink water. She’d felt like I neglected
her. Maybe Idid. She said she felt like all I needed her for was
babysitter.The kids suffered because they would only see her in
the morningbefore she went to work. I would pick them up after
I got offfrom work and they wouldn’t see her until the next
morning.After a few weeks of this she began staying home more
for thesake of the children, but it seemed she and I were pretty
muchfinished.
Finally she had opportunity to make her escape.
I changed jobsand needed to relocate (military transfer). Somehow
I managed tobe able to take the kids with me and she stayed behind
to work afew months longer. She was supposed to meet us in the
newlocation. She ended up somewhere else. Her intentions were
clear- she wasn’t coming home. We agreed to let the kids
live withme, visiting mom on weekends and holidays.
As anyone could imagine this was one of the most
painful thingsanyone could go through, especially our kids. In
the beginningit was really hard for them to go back and forth.
We some howcame to the conclusion that they should live with me
and thenwith their Mom after a time. We didn’t want the
usual absenteedad scene.
Anyway, the pain was almost more than I could
bear. When I wasoutside on a sunny day it felt dark and cold to
me. There weretimes I though of suicide. It only took the thought
of leavingmy kids without a father to get past these thoughts.
There weredays when the only way I could ease the pain in my mind
was toread scripture for long periods of time. I tried not to
sitstill or become idle because if I did the pain would come inlike
a flood. I could get over the fact that I was headed fordivorce.
I was not in control of anything. I prayed that Godwould change
her mind. When He didn’t I had to accept it. Shehad a free
will. I prayed that he would take away my pain, andthat of the
kids. He said he would.
As time past it got easier to function on my own.
But for thekids who were 5 and 2 when this all started it was
gettingharder to deal with the absence of Mom. Which made things
harderfor me in a different way as a parent. I am very interested
intheir emotional health. They didn’t seem to be prospering
in anyway. This wasn’t going well for any of us. My son’s
schoolworkwas suffering and his behavior was getting worse. We
got to apoint where he was seeing a child psychologist.
As I listened to him talk to the psychologist
I learned thingsthat I didn’t realize he was suffering.
He really missed hismom. And I could only imagine what his younger
sister was goingthrough. I knew that it was hard for me to deal
with thesituation. I was wasted, but I could only imagine what
it musthave been like for them as children to deal with the pain
that Ihad gone through for four years.
It was time for them to live with their mother.
The divorce hadonly been final for a few months. We had agreed
that I shouldkeep them for a time. Then the time came for me to
send them totheir Mom. I was devastated. I felt like my entire
life had nowfinally fallen down around me.
When the time came and we got them packed up and
moved out agreat surprise awaited me. I relaxed! I was sad the
first fewweeks or even a month after they left. I even cried sometimes.As
time past though I started to feel better. I had more timeand
less stress. I started to realize that I at some point hadbegun
to be healed of the terrible pain that had plagued me forso long.
When I talk to the kids I realized that they too
had begun tofeel much better. The rift that had begun to form
between my sonand me was beginning slowly to mending. I can hear
the happinessin their voices and that brings me joy. I am even
happy fortheir Mom. They are all doing well and I am the beneficiary.
Godis good. I now have a saying. Things always work out. Maybe
notthe way you want, but if God is involve, they work out for
thebest. All you need is God and time.
About the author:Tony Tate is a regular contributer to On line
dating web site.If you would like to view more article by Tony
Tate visit:http://www.1-on-line-dating.com
| 
Overview
