| Tracy
Achen, Fri Dec 9th
Successfully releasing your anger will help you begin healingafter
your divorce. Right now you may feel a great deal of rageat your
ex-husband. You might be thinking that if it weren’t forhim,
your life wouldn’t be so messed up. These feelings areactually
a necessary part of your healing. Acknowledging AngerWouldn’t
you just love to tell him what a sorry human being heis? How he
didn’t respect you and treated you like dirt. Well,do It!
Take a piece of paper and write down everything that hedid wrong.
Release all the anger that has been bottled up. Getit all off
your chest. Tell him how he hurt your feelings andhow you suffered
to make the marriage work. Don’t be surprisedif this letter
goes on for pages, just get it all out.
Now
for the important part.......Do Not Give Him This Letter. Itwould
only re-enforce the impact that he had on your life. Burnit or
throw it away. Allow yourself to release that anger andresentment.
It’s over and done with. You’ve acknowledged thehurt
and are now ready to figure out what went wrong and moveon.
Gaining
Insight Gaining insight into why your marriage failedhelps you
to move on to healthier relationships in the future.Start by thinking
about what attracted you to him in the firstplace. Maybe he was
handsome, strong, or wealthy. What benefitsdid you get from the
marriage? Maybe it was security,companionship, or a sense of belonging.
These are the thingsthat are important to your core being, and
the difficulties inyour marriage probably stemmed from threats
to these areas.
Perspective
Knowing what part he played in the problems is easy,but you also
need to recognize how you contributed. Owning up toresponsibility
is probably the hardest part.
Most
women grew up with the image of the “White Knight”
whorides in and takes charge. The princess falls in love and standsbehind
her man. The only problem is that this fairy tale usuallydoesn’t
have a happy ending because the power of choice isremoved. You
are swept through life by circumstances anddecisions of others.
If
you can own up to your participation in the marriage, youhave
gained power. For example, by admitting that you stayed ina bad
marriage for economic reasons, you therefore, can chooseto find
a good paying job and leave. When your perspective isone of choice,
you gain power and control over your life.
Admitting
that you put up with a bad situation out of choiceallows you now
to make decisions to do things differently inyour new life. Once
you accept responsibility for your life, becareful to not turn
your anger inward. You did the best youcould in your given situation.
It's in the past, and you nowhave the power to move forward. Release
the hold that anger hasover helps you to regain control over your
life again. You nolonger need to feel like a victim, and your
self esteem willbegin to rise.
About
the author:Tracy Achen is the author of "DIVORCE 101: A Woman's
Guide toDivorce", and publisher of a website to help women
cope withdivorce. At WomansDivorce.com we have one focus –
helping womensurvive their divorce and rebuild their lives. For
additionalarticles and information on divorce, visit the web site
athttp://www.womansdivorce.com
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