| Karl
Augustine, Sat Dec 10th
Dating after divorce is a much debated topic due
to thepsychological and emotional impact it can have on people.
Datingafter divorce can be complex, too often divorcees don't
considerthe ramifications of dating after divorce before they
jump intoit with both feet!
If you're going to start dating again after you've
gotten adivorce, there's quite few things that you should considerbeforehand...here's
a partial list you might want to thinkabout:
Dating after divorce consideration 1: Make sure
that you areaware of your own level of self-confidence.
If are considering dating after divorce, be certain
that you areeither confident in yourself as a person or are at
least awareof your level of self-confidence so you can plan accordingly.Self-confidence
will help you to remain lucid when you're datingafter divorce.
Choosing who to date and why you want to datethem can be a major
turning point in your emotional health aftera divorce. If you're
self-confident, chances are good thatyou'll be able to handle
being rejected or ignored if you'rejust beginning a relationship.
If you're truly self-confident, you'll be able
to have the rightmind set before you begin dating after divorce
and any potentiallet down will be foreseen by you and "non-damaging"
to youremotional state. Self confidence is perhaps the most importantthing
to think about from an emotional health perspectiveregarding dating
after divorce.
Dating after divorce consideration 2: How quickly
should youdate after getting a divorce?
Fortunately, this is really only a question that
you can answer,assuming your divorce is truly over with and you
don't have acustody battle that's ongoing, a dispute about assets
orfinances, or any other type of lingering agreement that needs
tobe reached that could be impaired by dating. If you havechildren,
this is a question of their strength and the strengthof your relationship
with them.
If you don't have children, this decision is entirely
up to youregarding how you'll approach dating after divorce. Ask
yourselfhow ready you really are to date again...depending on
what youwant out of dating after divorce, i.e., what the end result
isto any solid dating relationship, will drive how quickly youdate
again. If you're simply lonely and think you need to dateagain
just for the sake of dating or to test how you'll respondto dating,
you may want to do a serious self evaluationregarding your confidence
level. You will know when you're readyagain to begin dating after
divorce - everyone's different. Knowyourself first, then make
the decision.
Dating after divorce consideration 3: Should I
date while goingthrough a divorce?
Most coaches, attorneys, and counselors will tell
you thatdating while going through a divorce is never a good thing
to dofrom a psychological perspective and a legal perspective.
Whilethis article isn't a form of legal advice, common sense tellsyou
that if you're in any type of battle regarding maritalassets or
custody, avoid any dating.
From an emotional health perspective, dating while
going througha divorce can be damaging to you and your "soon
to be"ex-spouse. You'll be much more mature after the divorce
if youself evaluate to figure out how you contributed to the eventsthat
lead to your divorce. Handling yourself in a caring andsturdy
emotional manner during a divorce can be an extremelydifficult
thing to do...but, it is a terrific growing andlearning process.
Make use of it! Grow as a person and learnabout yourself, and
you'll be far better off after the divorceis final.
Dating after divorce consideration 4: Consider
that you may havea tendency to date someone completely opposite
from your spouseand realize that this isn't healthy.
Dating after divorce is tricky! Be smart, realize
that the painyou may have felt at the hands of your spouse can
naturally leadyou to want to date someone who is an opposite of
your ex. It isa reasonable and natural reaction because you might
want toavoid having any pain whatsoever or you may not want to
dealwith anyone who might remind you of your ex-spouse.
If you find yourself looking for someone who is
your ex'sopposite when dating after divorce, take a deep breath
and askyourself if this tactic is truly healthy for you. If you
answer'yes', then you're saying that there was nothing good about
yourspouse and that you're a poor decision maker or else you wouldhave
never gotten married to your ex in the first place!
Instead, think of the things you'd like to see
in someone thatwould make you want to date them and look at the
person in andof themselves only. If you see something in them
that remindsyou of your ex-spouse, decide whether that something
is a goodtrait or an undesirable trait. Only then can you decide
aboutthat person in positive fashion. Your spouse has or had somegood
traits, define what they are and don't be afraid to seethose traits
in someone that you are dating after divorce.
Dating after divorce consideration 5: Do what
you need to inorder to have a positive outlook on your future
after yourdivorce.
When thinking about dating after divorce, and
all the possiblefires that can go with it, keep in mind that you
need to feelgood about yourself to be lucid. A positive outlook
on life iskey to everything else, and all the future decisions
that youwill make after your divorce. Go and do fun things with
friendsand get out! You should certainly keep your guard up but
don'tbe overly critical of everything or you may get so paralyzed
beyour analysis that you never actually "get in the game."
Yourframe of mind on any relationship - friend or not - afterdivorce
is key factor to your happiness. Keeping a clear headand heart
is a healthy thing. If you keep these considerationsin mind, you'll
have a much better time when dating afterdivorce.
About the author:Karl Augustine Author of "A Practical Guide
To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get ADivorce", the eBook recommended
by counselors to thier clients. Deciding onDivorce Dating After
Divorce
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