| J
Schipper
Laws making divorce easier, which came into vogue
in the late 1960s, have made the experience less harrowing for
many couples. The social stigma once attached to divorce has almost
disappeared. However, the statistic that almost 1/2 of all marriages
end in divorce seems to be an urban myth. Researcher George Barna's
most 2001 survey of Americans estimates that only 34 percent of
those who have ever been married have ever been divorced. A 2005
report released by the National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS),
based on a 1995 nationwide study of approximately 11,000 women
ages 15-44, predicted that one-third of new marriages among younger
people will end in divorce within 10 years and 43 percent within
15 years. So, not quite one-half, but still a considerable number
of marriages will end eventually.
This is partly due to demographics; people live
longer than they did 100 years ago, so there is much more time
for relationships to go sour. In addition, better employment opportunities
for women allow them to leave abusive or tepid marriages, whereas
previous generations of women would have no choice, due to financial
considerations, except to stay in such unions.
In cases of divorce, many couples make predictable
mistakes. People start off by thinking they're not going to lose
their cool, or their money and property, and wind up doing just
that. However, it is possible to avoid a lot of unnecessary grief
by learning from the experiences of couples who have gone through
the process.
Divorce is inevitably painful, but it is possible
to end a marriage with a minimum amount of expense and drama.
It is not necessary to make lifelong enemies out of the former
spouse and in-laws, or spend thousands of dollars in legal bills,
just to get on with your life. Therefor this article lists ten
of the most common pitfalls of divorce and how to avoid them.
The first mistake is taking actions that will
effect your rights even before filing for divorce. The concept
of "precedent" or doing things the way they have been
done previously is an important legal principle. It is often a
deciding factor in child custody and other divorce issues. For
example, if one parent moves out and leaves the child with the
other parent, it becomes difficult for the leaving parent to get
custody. Also, if you make certain payments to your spouse without
a court order, it may be difficult to later convince a judge that
you can't afford to continue making them.
The second common error is giving too much control
over the proceedings to a divorce lawyer. Lawyers are professionals
trained to represent a client's interests in court, and it is
important to listen carefully to the lawyer's legal advice. But
if you see the division of property or the custody of children
being decided in ways you do not like, do not hesitate to speak
up. It's your divorce, not the lawyer's, and you're the one who's
going to have to live with the results. It is in the lawyer's
interest to stretch out a court case and battle over every small
detail, but the legal bill for this can be staggering. Reign in
an overly-aggressive lawyer.
The third mistake is to start dividing property
without first making a thorough inventory. Be sure to make a complete
list of all property, and any debts incurred as a couple.
The fourth mistake is spending too much time and
money letting lawyers gather information. The legal term for this
is discovery, and it covers interrogatories, requests for the
production of documents, requests for admissions, and legal depositions.
Lawyers thrive on this because it represents many billable hours,
and keeps the lawyer firmly in control of the proceedings. Use
mediation or an internet financial preparation kit instead, before
you even go to the lawyer. Make sure to document absolutely everything
that will affect your financial future, including all assets,
investment funds and retirement pensions.
Mistake number five is allowing friends and family
to influence the proceeding with their opinions. Meddlesome relatives
often have their own agendas; don't be afraid to rely on your
own judgment.
The sixth mistake is neglecting the issue of taxes
and asset appreciation/depreciation. Don't get divorced without
considering the tax implications of concessions. It is possible
to get an unpleasant financial surprise years down the road in
the form of an unexpected tax bill. For instance, two stock portfolios
of equivalent dollar value might really be worth completely different
amounts, depending on capital gains. Rather than accepting a Mercedes
worth $35,000, for example, it may be wiser to take a mutual fund
with the same current market value. The car will depreciate; the
fund, if chosen wisely, will appreciate.
An accountant will help you understand the future
financial implications of your decisions. Consult with a CPA before
finalizing the divorce agreement, as most divorce lawyers are
unskilled in this area. It is one of the main reasons for financial
losses due to divorce.
Mistake number seven is trying to be "nice"
either out of guilt for leaving the relationship or to try and
win back the former spouse. It never works, and only breeds contempt
and resentment in the minds of both partners. Be fair to yourself
and your financial investment in the relationship, and assert
your right to a fair share of property. However, remember that
a fair split is not necessarily an even split. For instance, in
dividing investments, one spouse may not mind taking over a risky
stock portfolio in its entirety, whereas the other may prefer
to keep the relatively secure bond fund.
The eighth mistake is failing to untangle all
joint finances. Once a relationship ends, the former partners
will have little incentive to help each other. Your financial
future could be jeopardized if your former spouse defaults on
payments, commits fraud, goes bankrupt, or becomes disabled. You
might also be liable for any debt that your spouse has incurred
under your name. Be sure to cut or minimize all financial ties
before the divorce is finalized.
The ninth mistake is failing to take into account
the amount of time needed to get your career back on track. Women
who gave up their careers when they got married often find it
difficult to support themselves after divorcing in middle age.
Don't underestimate the time and money required for job training
or resuming an old business.
The tenth mistake is having unrealistic expectations.
After divorce, many people, especially women, wind up with less
money than they started with. Don't expect unlimited freedom,
as a tight budget will prevent this. Also, don't expect a divorce
to solve individual emotional or personal problems. Without psychological
counseling, many people who divorce wind up remarrying someone
just like their old spouse. A divorce should be a stepping-stone
to a new life, not just a chance to recreate an unhealthy paradigm
with a new partner.
Article Source: http://www.article-matrix.com
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