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Christina Rowe
We all begin the divorce process convinced that
everything is the other spouse’s fault. All of the pain is a direct
result of their bad behavior. Your ex is acting in complete disregard
for your feelings. If your ex would only behave the divorce would
go more smoothly. That you might have a part in this mess doesn’t
even occur to you. No, your spouse is to blame. He is one who
cheated, lied, and betrayed you. How could you be responsible?
But when the dust settles you may start asking yourself some difficult
questions. Was it really all your ex’s fault? Was there anything
you might have done or not done that could have contributed to
this divorce? This is where it gets tough. No one likes to think
that they were responsible in any way for the failure of their
marriage. It just has to be your ex’s fault. Don’t you have that
long list of sins? How could anyone draw a different conclusion?
Chances are that in most ways you are right, and your ex is wrong.
Some of his actions might seem unforgivable. So, after all of
the stress, heartache, and pain, why bother to accept any blame?
If you look inward instead of outward, you will be able to take
control. With this power you will emerge from your divorce with
greater insight, and valuable lessons for any future relationship.
Only a victim looks at an ex-spouse and says: “Because of you
I do not trust anyone. Because of you my life is empty. Because
of you I am in pain.” In doing that, the victim gives her ex-husband
a controlling power over her behavior. You are making your ex
responsible for your life. In saying: “It’s not my fault,” you
are holding yourself back from the hard work of recovery. The
longer you harbor this victim mentality, the longer you will deny
yourself a chance at the life you deserve to live. Don’t hide
from yourself. Dig deep into the memory of your past actions.
Look at them, learn from them, and let them go. Forgive yourself.
Until you do that you won’t find forgiveness for anyone. Once
you do it you might be pleasantly surprised that the anger you
feel for your spouse is diminishing. The willingness to let go
of the past, and truly move on to a better place, is the key to
peace and happiness.
Article Source: http://www.article-matrix.com
Christina Rowe is the author of the new book Seven Secrets To
A Successful Divorce-What Every Woman Needs To Know . Find out
the survival skills that will save you time, money and heartache
during your divorce.For your free Secrets of Divorce newsletter
go to www.divorcesurvivalskills.com
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