Christina
Rowe
So what is the most crucial secret you need to
know to have a successful divorce? It is the simplest secret,
yet the most difficult one to master: Controlling your emotions!
I coach many women who just can’t seem to understand and follow
this one piece of advice. Usually by the time they come to see
me they have made quite a mess of things. I have coached women
who have been divorced for years and still can’t control their
emotions when it comes to their ex-husband! Granted you are going
through one of the most difficult times you will ever face in
your life, and so you may feel angry, hurt, sad, and confused.
It will take immense stamina and self-control, but you must get—and
keep—control over your emotions. Your ability to do so will affect
everything from how you fare financially to how your children
adjust. Losing control and showing emotion is how you lose this
war. Do not be fooled, divorce is a war. You need to prepare for
battle and master the art of winning the divorce war. How do you
control your emotions when you feel like you just want to scream?
1.Do not speak to your soon-to-be ex-husband unless absolutely
necessary. When you do engage in conversation, speak only about
your children or other important issues. Control the temptation
to tell him that he is an idiot or you hate him! When you feel
that you want to say something derogatory, get off the phone or
walk away. Remember self-control! 2.Resist the urge to spy on
him, ask neighbors and friends about what he is doing, or grill
the kids about his girlfriend. I have known women to make prank
calls to their husbands, drive by their ex’s homes repeatedly,
and do other crazy things that were used against them in a courtroom.
One woman was actually sued because she wrote a nasty comment
about her ex’s girlfriend on the Internet. She didn’t even refer
to this woman by name, but the implication was enough for the
judge to give her a guilty verdict and a fine. 3. Do not talk
incessantly about your ex. You do need to talk to someone to let
out your anger and rage, but limit your circle of listeners to
a few good friends and family members. The clerk at the supermarket
doesn’t need to know just what a jerk your ex-husband is! Anger
is like a fire that needs fuel to grow. The more you talk negatively
about your ex, the angrier you will become and thus increase the
chance of losing your temper. Overall, think about the outcome
you desire. Do you want to have the judge presiding over your
divorce respect you, or do you want to look like an angry, bitter
wife who is out of control? Most people lie in family court, which
is why judges rely on their own impression of a couple to see
if the husband or wife appears more credible. Your behavior outside
of the courtroom is crucial. Out-of-control behavior will almost
always wind up back in the courtroom and cost you dearly. So see
a therapist, meditate, do whatever it takes to gain self-control.
This is imperative at every stage: when you are thinking about
getting a divorce, during the process, or even if you are already
divorced. Your ex-husband is not going to go away, unfortunately,
so you will need to find a way to deal with him in a calm and
dignified manner.
Article Source: http://www.article-matrix.com
Christina Rowe is the author of the new book Seven Secrets To
A Successful Divorce-What Every Woman Needs To Know . Find out
the survival skills that will save you time, money and heartache
during your divorce.For your free Secrets of Divorce newsletter
go to www.divorcesurvivalskills.com
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