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problem is that our country is focused on the media's representation
of relationships that is comprised of the Ring, the Wedding, the
Fight, and the Divorce. It plays out like a 1 hour drama where
you already know the ending. Can we rewrite the script and create
a happily ever after scenario?
Where is the beginning of the path that leads
to divorce? Perhaps if you can recognize the divorce path it can
be avoided. Of course there are no guarantees when it comes to
interpersonal relationships. There are many unseen variables that
can create an endless number of outcomes. But there is one key
factor to a bad marriage. A bad marriage starts with a bad relationship.
If your relationship is full of distrust, anger, fighting, meanness,
finger pointing, selfishness, and other people, getting married
is not the solution. Couples get divorced because they never had
a relationship that would stand up to the intensity of marriage.
Take an event that during the dating phase seems small but annoying
and place in the context of forever, and it now becomes unbearable.
The factors that result in divorce are usually
present in some form during dating. The following actions may
be trivialized or overlooked when in the dating phase.
- A mean comment or foul language during time
spent together.
- Lack of respect for the other person's opinion,
occupation, family and dreams usually presented as a negative
comment or attitude.
- Physical harm. (Should NEVER be trivialized)
Lack of self respect or self hate, which can present
as harmful behavior (drugs or alcohol), unsuitable manner of dress,
negative attitude or depression.
- The comments or behavior of others, particularly
family members, which negatively impact your relationship.
These actions may be encountered occasionally
during the dating phase of a relationship. The actions may seem
manageable during the intermittent time frame of dating (i.e.
2 to 4 times per week). Now place any of these actions under the
every day for the rest of your life category and you have a bad
marriage. Add those key psychological factors such as control
issues, low self esteem, personal history of abuse, and substance
abuse and that marriage is racing to the divorce court.
Marriage is not about the Wedding Day. It is about
every joy, every crisis, every financial gain or loss, every hurt,
and every comfort that make up each day of the rest of our married
lives. So the question becomes: "Can I live with this for
the rest of my life?" If the answer is no, then do not get
married.
Article Directory: http://www.articlecube.com James Brown writes
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