Jonathan
Mayheart
Your marriage is in trouble, and you know that
even though you want to get it all over with that you still love
your partner and that you will probably regret your actions in
the near future, the action needed is clear- you need to prevent
divorce.
Divorce is not the answer, and rushing into one
is a big mistake, the divorce process will eliminate your chances
of rebuilding your relationship, so you better consider this move
carefully and be absolutely sure that you have exhausted all the
means and ways to improve your relationship.
Your spouse does not understand you, and both
of you are not communicating any more, it seems as though there
is a huge gap between you, that even the smallest things makes
you upset about each other, and that what was once easy and fun
has now become unbearable. Preventing divorce is not about compromise,
preventing divorce is about rediscovering your relationship.
The changes in relationships seem almost impossible,
from once passionate lovers that could not bare being apart couples
change into two different people that sometimes seek the opportunity
to be as separate from one another as possible. The dangers of
the growing distance between couple raises questions in their
minds and in many cases this ends in a divorce.
Every person is different, every couple has its
own unique story, but the bottom line is usually this –
one or both partners think that it is impossible to turn the relationship
into something that will flourish again, with the hope of regaining
the love of the other lost the partners turn into the simplest
and what seems like the easiest solution, instead of fighting
and arguing over and over again, the clean cut divorce looks like
a good solution.
Sometimes and in some cases this is probably the
best way to go, divorce for some couples is the best answer to
a hopeless situation. But if you are one of the many people who
feel that not all hope is gone and that you wish to continue building
the relationship you have with your partner, who at a certain
time was the closest to you, this is the place to start looking
inwards and outwards and work to regain your harmoniums loving
relationship once again.
Good relationships start with good communication,
it is almost sure that you once had a relationship with good communication,
you can probably remember the days when you didn’t have
enough time with your spouse to talk about all the plans you had
for your life and to share your thoughts? How long has it been
now? How many years since you last had a really good communication
exchange? After you’ve exhausted the discussion about the
children’s schedule, who has to drop off the dry cleaning
and when you will visit your in-laws, do you find yourself at
a loss for words?
You are not alone. There is nothing wrong with
either of you. You are probably just mired in everyday life and
because your daily schedule is so hectic, over the years you simply
ran out of time for casual and enjoyable discussion. And, now
you can’t even remember how to even talk to your spouse,
stopping or preventing a divorce will mean that you will need
to rethink the way you communicate.
Good communication is not so hard and it is vital
for preventing a divorce, it is just plain simple work, until
you get used to it. Instead of talking about the regular things,
you will need to think a little harder and try a lot harder. Talk
about real things, not the work routine and the children’s
activities think of things you want to talk about, you’ll
find yourself anxious to get home to share the information with
your spouse. Avoid the topics that do not interest you spouse,
remember that this is about the both of you, and what you find
interesting, just finding this topic will earn you points for
trying, do not plan ahead too much – just let yourself into
a discussion about things you have not discussed for long.
Listen to the news in the morning or on your way
to work. When you are listening, try to focus on those things
you think your spouse would find interesting. What would she tell
you about? Then ask her if she heard the story, and what she thought
about it.
Talk about things you want to plan or do over
the next month or two. Vacation planning is a good topic, but
only if you are both looking forward to going and if you are both
actively involved in planning for the vacation.
Preventing divorce is a complicated issue –
not impossible one. You will need to invest time and energy into
you marriage now, and do everything you can to prevent divorce.
Good luck!.
John Furnem is a dot com veteran, specializing in personality
psychology he has written articles and held workshops/seminars
for stress management and divorce prevention. John currently writes
divorce prevention
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