| John
Furnem
From my experience couple trying to Stop Divorce are faced with
many challenges, some of these issues and challenges are often
very surprising. One of the people who visited my site sent me
an email saying that I would not believe how easy it was to work
on some parts of the prevent divorce issue, and that the hardest
thing he and his wife faced was breaking the old habits, changing
the way they conducted themselves, the automatic pilot that drives
relationships into walls.
This is what this article is about, trying to
notice the point in which you lose control over your target (preventing
and stopping your divorce) and let the auto pilot drive your relationship
into a difficult spot. Shedding light on a few points, I hope
that you will be better equipped the next time you are facing
an argument or even a discussion.
First point, is almost too easy, the blame game.
How easy is this? Now honestly, think about it, almost everyone
does it, and you have done it many times before, you play this
stupid little game, get yourself wrapped around this idea and
lose control, not only escalating the situation but getting into
a mindset of blaming and anger, this would not help you, or anyone
for that matter, achieve anything. What you really need to do
is examine the situation, think about what you did, or what you
usually do, and what your spouse does, and be as objective as
you can. Make a table with the things you both do, never forget
to notice the things that you do wrong, because everyone does
something wrong, and admit it, to yourself and to your spouse.
Second, the “you are overreacting”
sentence. How helpful was that?, men tend to say this to woman
a lot, but I saw a few woman do that too, and this is a nasty
one, not only do you judge your spouse, you are also criticizing
their response, like you have any right to. Think about it for
a moment, I am sure you will understand that this is a terrible
thing to say and that in no case should you even consider saying
this, take things at face value, if your partner is angry, focus
on why he or she got to this situation and deal with it, don’t
push it away and award the what you think is an exaggerated reaction
level to your partner.
Children or family issues, this is an extremely
delicate issue. Using children as weapons in arguments and fights
is something a lot of people do, a classic example of losing control
and saying things you live to regret for a long time. A clear
stop sign, if you can see it while you are angry and upset, in
a middle of an argument, try your best to avoid using your children
or other family members in fights.
One last point which is the general advice I can
give, when discussing things with your spouse, or even when arguing
or fighting, try and make the situation even, try and balance
the power and the objectivity of the situation. This means that
no one has clear control over the discussion, that it is a free
– equal power debate between two people and not a lecture
or verbal beating to one or another person.
In the next article I will discuss these issues
further, good luck saving your relationship and stop divorce.
John Furnem is a dot com veteran, specializing in personality
psychology he has written articles and held workshops/seminars
for stress management and divorce prevention. John currently writes
Stop Divorce Tips and Advice articles.
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