| Karen
Zastudil, Sat Dec 10th
You and your spouse have decided to end your marriage.
Althoughthis has been a difficult decision for you and your spouse,
itcan be a very complicated one for your children. Divorce in
manyways is like facing a death in the family, and a grievingprocess
takes place for everyone involved. Often times after adivorce,
you need to rediscover who you are, overcome your ownfears and
determine how to begin making a new life for you andyour children.
Once the grieving process has taken place, don'tassume things
will suddenly go smoothly -- especially when youstart dating again.
It may be hard for your children to adjustto the "new you"
and patience is key. The process of adaptingmay take longer than
what you would like and your children'semotions may be like a
roller coaster ride. You have spent yearsparenting your children
and devoting your life to them. Now thatyou are focusing more
time on yourself, your children may becomedisheartened and insecure.
It's extremely important that at thistime you strive to attain
a balance in your life and enter thisnew phase of your life gradually.
Your children will need youmore than ever for support, comfort
and reassurance. Many timeschildren become unsure of themselves
and aren't sure where theyfit into your life, but rest assured
that eventually they willcome around. As you begin uncovering
the new you, it's not wrongto make time for yourself, but when
it seems appropriate,include your children. You are a mom first,
and you would notwant to sacrifice the needs of your children.
Maintain momentsof "single" freeness to time with your
friends and not in frontof your children. As you begin dating
again, feeling silly,giddy and young, do it in a way that doesn't
affect them.Introducing a lot of casual dates into your children's
lives cancause anxiety and confusion. Reassure them that your
date is nota replacement for "dad" or them. You would
not want yourchildren to feel they are being abandoned. Your children
stillneed to know that you are the parent and that they can depend
onyou to provide the love and emotional stability they need.
About the author:Karen Zastudil is a retired financial analyst
with a BA inEconomics and Marketing - as the parent, Karen is
an advocatefor others who are interested in parenting and womens
issues.Karen shares her wisdom and her resources athttp://www.womenatthesummit.com
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