| Jenny
Clair, Fri Dec 9th
It is always the children that suffer the most
when a marriage breaks down and separation or divorce is imminent.
Children of divorcing parents often witness arguments even rows
and this hasa strong effect on any child. Children do not understand
why parents argue and cannot relate to rows during the build up
to adivorce or seperation. They become confused and insecure and
their life seems as if it is in turmoil. Here we explain some
ofthe issues from a child’s perspective.
Children do not understand why parents no longer
love each other and cannot stay together. Prior to divorce or
separation they have only known that happy caring family environment
which theywere brought into. To them their world has been turned
upside down and they cannot see why. If parents loved each other
in thepast, then why can’t they love one another in the
future.
Children often believe that they could be the
reason for a breakup in a marriage which can result in long term
damaging guilt complexes. A child’s character often changes
during divorce orseparation when things are not normal at home.
Children can bevery sensitive to the emotional environment.
During divorce or separation many children become
disruptive atschool, argumentative at home and some even go into
a recluse.This can be a very lonely time, particularly if they
are an onlychild. Their friends are not going through what they
are emotionally. Hence they feel that they are the odd one out
allof a sudden and do not know how to cope with the situation.
Allthey want is for their life to go back to a normal family lifewhere
parents don’t argue and row as it may have been before thestress
of divorce or seperation.
When a couple decide that divorce is the only
option and separation is a necessity, children are again the ones
that iteffects the most. They are told that they will be with
one parent one day and the other the next. How are they supposed
toform any kind of routine ? This can often result in children
not sleeping in their own beds as they prefer the comfort and
security of being with a parent. Children often feel insecure
and are most vulnerable even at school when they listen to their
friends planning family outings and holidays.
Children of divorcing parents can feel as though
they are going to miss out on family events and get togethers.
During a divorce each parent makes separate commitments to a child
and It is important that when arrangements have been made by the
parent or parents that they keep to them as the child will feel
let downand resent a parent for not being there for them after
they had said they would. Reliability and punctuality are of utmost
importance to a child. They will clock watch and expect to seeyou
on time and have been looking forward to spending time withyou
wherever you decide to take them. In a child’s eyes it’s
you they want to be with and it’s your time spent with them
that’s most important to them even after the divorce or
separation.
Divorce can bring our the worst in people. Never
run down theother parent in front of your child. This creates
resentment and bad feelings all round. Also, never think that
you can buy achild if you are late or fail to follow through with
your promise. Although you may think that you are doing good for
buying your child a toy to impress them - think again - keep that
special toy for a birthday or Christmas present. Your timeto be
with them is much more valuable than a toy. Even after the divorce
or separation they will remember where you took them and what
a fantastic time you both had rather than a toy. They will talk
about your outing or time together for days because it meant so
much to them to see you and have you all to themselves.Quality
time rather than quantity of toys is far more important to a child.
These are just some of the issues children face
when parents are going through the throws of a divorce or separation
and everyattempt should be made by divorcing parents to limit
or reducethese adverse affects upon children.
http://www.marriage-divorce-separation.com About the author:Jenny
Clair is the editor of Marriage-Divorce-Separation.com anarticle
based web site exploring the human side of marriagebreakdowns,
divorce and separation situations. http://www.marriage-divorce-separation.com
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