| Divorce.
It's never easy. One of the most heart wrenching aspects are the
children. In fact, staying together for the sake of the kids may
really be a mask for staying together because we don't know how
to deal with the emotions.
Of course your kids will be upset by the divorce.
Who could blame them? Actually it is a "normal" reaction.
It is healthy for children to experience these negative feelings.
More importantly, they need to express them. Don't be distressed
by their concerns. The best thing you can do for your kids is
to accept and support their feelings.
Sometimes pre-scripting your answers can make
you feel stronger in your convictions. Here are some suggested
ways to be supportive and comforting to your kids.
Does he/she express sadness?
"Yes, I feel sad, too. Mommy and Daddy wanted
to live together forever. I'm sad that we can't. Unfortunately
we don't always get what we want.
Is he/she angry?
"Yes, I am right there with you. If my parents
couldn't live together and I wanted them to, I would be mad, too.
But sometimes they just can't go on living together."
Is he/she fearful? "Yes, it can feel scary
when things are changing. Especially if we aren't sure what's
going to happen next. But you might be surprised, it could turn
out to be an adventure, and it can be better than what we've been
doing."
Does he/she blame you or themselves? "Yes,
I know when things don't go the way we hoped, we think it must
be somebody's fault. But sometimes things just happen and it is
no one's fault.
The magic word here is YES. The first step is
to accept the child's feelings and restore their confidence that
you are in agreement with them. Then propose the alternative way
of looking at the situation.
We know divorce is never easy and you may need
help at this difficult time.
Article Source: http://www.article-matrix.com Divorce Mediator.
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