| Diana
Mercer
Conflict before, during and after a divorce is
inevitable. Yet, if the conflict continues, you'll never reach
an agreement. Over 95% of all divorce cases ultimately settle,
so you'll deal with the conflict sooner or later. It's helpful
if you can learn to deal with conflict in a way that won't make
you crazy, and can help you learn to get along with your ex-spouse
enough so that you can work out your settlement, share your children,
and deal with the everyday problems that will
arise in the meantime and afterwards.
The first step in understanding how to deal with
conflict is to realize that in order to resolve conflict, you'll
have to understand the other side's interests. They may have a
POSITION, such as "I want the children on Wednesday nights"
or "I want to keep the house" but until you understand
WHY they want that you'll continue to have a conflict.
For example, perhaps the reason the parent wants
the children on Wednesday nights is that he or she wants to be
involved doing the children's homework. Maybe Wednesday night
is not convenient for your or the children, but maybe there is
another way that the parent can continue to be involved in helping
with homework. For the spouse who wants to keep the house, maybe
all he or she really wants is a secure place to live, or to be
able to stay in the same school system. It isn't as much about
"Wednesday night" or "the house" as it is
about other, underlying issues.
To find out the other side's interests, don't
get misled by the position they're telling you (Wednesday night,
or keep the house). Ask questions instead:
Help me understand why that is important to you.
Why do you want that?
What are you concerned about?
What are your goals for the future?
What could I do to make my proposal acceptable
to you?
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Overview
