The general attitude of family law courts in western countries is that children benefit most from having both parents in their lives. As a consequence, the courts are increasingly supportive of custody and parenting arrangements that allow children to maintain their relationships with their Moms and Dads regardless of where they live. Today, the courts are leaning more and more toward “joint custody” as the norm.

On that note, it is important to become aware of some terms which will likely have a direct bearing on how the courts will define your legal role as a parent.

Here are some important terms you should take note of:

Joint custody (or Joint Conservatorship) – this means that you and your spouse remain “legal parents and share in jointly making decisions about your children’s health, education, religion and general welfare. As well, having joint custody means that each parent needs to be in agreement about removing the children from their jurisdiction, traveling to another country or signing documents on your children’s behalf. Basically, joint custody means a continuation of your legal role as a parent that you had since your children were born. Joint custody does not necessarily mean that you will have equal time or access to your children.

Sole Custody – this means that one parent remains the legal parent and has the right and responsibility to make all decisions regarding the children. The parent with sole custody is not required to consult with or obtain permission from the other parent on any matters pertaining to the child. The parent with sole custody does not require the other parents’ signature on their child’s passport and as such is free to travel freely with the child.

Shared Parenting or Custody – this generally refers to the timeshare arrangements between parents with joint custody. Usually, this term assumes that parents in a shared parenting arrangement will have equal or close to equal time with their children. In these arrangements, parents typically live in the same jurisdiction to facilitate schooling, health care, social activities etc. There are many different types of shared parenting arrangements or schedules depending on the ages and needs of the children involved.

Primary Residency – This is a terms used to describe where the children reside and which parent will assume responsibility for their day-to-day care. This term does not mean “sole custody” – it just means that the children will reside with this parent and that the parent will assume the responsibility for the children’s care at their residence.

Access – this term generally refers to the time that the non-custodial or non-residential parent spends with his or her children. It assumes that a shared parenting arrangement is not in place. Typically access periods occur for an evening mid-week and over the weekends. As well, extended access periods are designated for parts of major holidays (Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving) as well as for breaks in school (Spring Break, summer vacation). Specific access periods are also provided for parents’ birthdays and Mother’s day and Father’s Day.

Remember, it is important to clearly understand the differences among these terms so that you can ultimately instruct your attorney on how to proceed in your case.

Tools to Parent (and Co-parent) More Effectively

One of the biggest challenges facing divorcing parents is finding ways to maintain their relationships with their children when the parents cease living together. This is especially true for parents whose circumstances require timely physical separations from their children.

Fortunately, there are some excellent resources available to assist parents and children to maintain their relationships even from afar. Also these do not replace face-to-face contact between parents and children, they are a large improvement over what was available previously. Some of the most recent advances in technology such ascellular phones and web cameras make the task of keeping relationships alive that much easier.

Here are two other examples of how modern technology combines with child-focused ingenuity to produce “family-friendly” resources for parents and children:

Virtual Visitation - Virtual Visitation involves using tools such as personal video conferencing, a webcam, email, instant messaging (IM) and other wired or wireless technologies over the Internet or other communication media to supplement in-person visits and telephone contacts between two people.
It has great application to help children and their noncustodial parents to stay in touch. It is also an excellent way for parents and children to communicate regardless of their custodial arrangement or the distance between them. Visit the website for a short video on how the virtual visitation works. The best part of all – this service is completely free!

The OurFamilyWizard?? parenting website was designed by divorce parents with the help of family law professionals to coordinate family schedules and share family information. The website acts as a conduit for parents to plan for the holidays, share insurance cards, keep track of shared expenses, and much more. It has become a tool to help courts to eliminate the “he said”-“she said”, dilemma by
making parents accountable and keeping children out of the crossfire. The website has seven sections: the Shared Family Calendar, Message Board, Journal, Information Bank, Expense Log, E- Coupons and Resources. While some families utilize all of the site’s life management tools, others benefit from using just one or two of the tools. Comments from parents and family professionals logged in the
OurFamilyWizard?? guest book tout the site’s effectiveness. Lois, of The greatest beneficiaries of the OurFamilyWizard?? parenting website are the children. By providing a non-emotional, non-verbal, and well-organized forum for parents to share information.
OurFamilyWizard?? greatly reduces the stress placed on the children. In addition to no longer hearing disagreements of parents at exchanges or on the phone, children no longer have to be messengers between squabbling parents because communication between parents is through OurFamilyWizard?? Journal and Message board dedicated to the family. The OurFamilyWizard?? communication tool truly does make life better for children.

ARTICLES

• When Kids Are Involved
• Child Custody- While You Are Getting Divorced
• Children And Divorce - Protecting Custodial Rights
• Divorce And The Child Custody Evaluation
• Tips For Divorce And Custody Conflicts