| Carolyn
B. Ellis
Picking the right divorce attorney is a critical
decision. Divorce lawyers are your guides through the legal system.
They are your teachers about your legal rights and obligations.
At a time when you’re not in your peak decision-making form,
you have many important questions to answer when you’re
finding a divorce attorney. Should you get a shark who can duke
it out in court? If you and your ex feel you can separate amicably,
do you even need a lawyer? If you’re already separated,
will you ever need your lawyer again? What do you need to know
about working with them effectively?
I am not a lawyer myself, but I have definitely
been a client. In my divorce I was in the legal system off and
on for almost three years, including almost a year of mediating
my separation agreement. I’ve encountered many wonderful
lawyers, and many not so wonderful lawyers. It’s important
you find a legal professional that views you as a human being
with a family, not just as a case.
Here are some important things to bear in mind
when you’re working with a divorce lawyer.
You Are the Quarterback
While lawyers are a part of your divorce team,
you must be the quarterback. It’s like when you are renovating
a home. You can hire an architect, a designer, a contractor and
a painter who all have their expertise to bring. But ultimately,
you’re the one who has to wake up in the morning and live
in the house. Your lawyer may have a lot of answers for you, but
you need to be the ultimate decision-maker and call the shots.
Most Lawyers Are Trained as Gladiators
The legal system is adversarial and pits one party
against the other. Many lawyers are trained with the “us
vs. them” mindset. Particularly if you have children together,
you’ll need to consider how you can have a long-term, hopefully
cooperative, relationship with your former partner long after
the case is over. Make sure that your lawyer understands your
long-term goals as well.
Trust your Gut
Pay attention to your own intuition when selecting
a lawyer. Does the lawyer speak English or legalese? How well
does the lawyer listen? How about answering the question you actually
asked? Can you trust him? Will the lawyer be available to answer
your calls in a timely way? What is the lawyer’s track record
of going to court or not? Is she a family law specialist? You’re
entrusting your lawyer with so much, it’s important the
lawyer values you as a person, not just as another file.
Think Outside the Box
There are options for working out the details
of your divorce other than going to court. Think outside the courtroom
box and consider divorce mediation or collaborative law. In divorce
mediation, you work with a trained mediator who acts as a neutral
third party to negotiate details of your agreement with you. Each
party will have their own lawyer. In a mediation, you and your
ex work together with a divorce mediator to hammer out a deal,
going back to your lawyers to get legal advice on your solutions
and how best to craft your solutions in your agreement.
In a collaborative arrangement, both lawyers work
side-by-side with their clients to create agreement. Other related
professionals, like financial planners, divorce coaches or therapists
and parenting advocate can be part of the collaborative team.
The intention upfront of all parties is to settle the divorce
out of court. In fact, both lawyers must sign an agreement that
if they are not able to reach an agreement, they cannot represent
their clients in any future court proceedings.
Instead of their incentive being to drag the process
out, collaborative lawyers have an incentive to reach agreement.
The collaborative process offers a more respectful and humane
way to end your marriage, and fortunately more and more clients
are finding out about it and looking for attorneys with specialized
collaborative training.
Getting divorced and navigating the legal system
isn’t easy and can be overwhelming. It’s worth the
time and energy upfront to find the right divorce lawyer for you
who can be part of the solution, and not part of the problem.
Article Directory: http://www.articlecube.com Author and spiritual
divorce coach, Carolyn B. Ellis, founded Thrive after Divorce
Inc. to help separated and divorced individuals improve relationships,
increase self-confidence and save time and heartache. She is the
author of The 7 Pitfalls of Single Parenting: What to Avoid to
Help Your Children Thrive After Divorce. Visit www.thriveafterdivorce.com.
| 
Overview
