Breakup
Guide
Divorce can be a traumatic experience for your children. No matter
how old they are, the divorce will be hard for them to understand
and eventually to accept. Some children in fact harbor hopes that
their parents will get back together even after several years
of living apart.
Many children feel that they are the ones at fault
when their parents break up. Although this may seem illogical
to adults, children can find associations in the most incongruous
of things. As often attested by revelations during therapy, children
often feel that they could have done something to prevent the
break-up in the family. There are those “what ifs”
and “could have beens.” If they were good and obedient
children, would they have prevented the split? If they did not
get into trouble in school, would their parents stay together?
One of the crucial moments that parents should
take note of and prepare themselves is the way that they will
break the news to their children. Although explaining it properly
will not necessarily lessen the pain of knowing that their parents
will be splitting up but at least a proper explanation will help
prevent misunderstandings especially in what caused the break
up in the first place.
Remember that young children are very impressionable.
Everything that you do, whether you want them to see or not, can
mean something. It is important that you tell them what’s
going on to avoid misrepresentations.
Below are some tips on how to break the news of
the divorce to your kids.
Never make them feel that they have to choose.
Divorce is a traumatic experience as it is without
asking the children to choose sides. This will put them right
in the middle of marital trouble. This is not fair because the
kids are not really part of the problems that you and your partner
are having. Pressuring them to judge who is right and wrong can
worsen the trauma that they will be experiencing.
Still, during custody battles, choosing sides
cannot be avoided. Although in some cases, especially if the children
are a bit older, they are asked to choose which parents they would
rather live with.
Never badmouth your partner
Remember that whatever happens, your partner is
still a part of their lives, someone who they need to respect
and love. Whatever troubles that you have in your relationship
should not affect the children in any way. As long as your partner
is doing his best to provide for the kids and is a good father,
there is no need for them to know what a rotten person he can
be sometimes.
Explain clearly.
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