vinz
Parenting through divorce is a responsibility
for biological parents regardless if they choose to remarry or
not. If remarriage does take place, a parent is a parent forever
and cannot be replaced. A child usually remains loyal to a biological
parent and will resist an intruder who tries to take the absent
parent's place. It is natural for stepparents to feel competitive
with their predecessors and may attempt to act as a better spouse
and parent. Children usually see their behavior as an attempt
to take over and do not like to see their biological parents on
the losing end of a contest. Resentment may be the result due
to the fierce loyalty to the natural parent. Some children become
torn with guilt and loyalty conflicts between the stepparent and
biological parent. The relationship between stepparent and stepchildren
works best if the space formerly shared by the absent parent and
child is protected rather than filled. A stepparent needs to develop
new rituals and a unique role with a stepchild without moving
in on the absent parent's turf.
It is important to define the role of the stepparent
to avoid confusion in children about who is in charge of them
and their actions. The parent, stepparent, and child need to communicate
and agree on the boundaries and rights of the stepparent. Stepparents
and stepchildren need to build a relationship with each other
before attempting any form of discipline. Allow the biological
parent to handle discipline while the stepparent bonds with stepchildren.
Most children worry that accepting the stepparent is being disloyal
to the absent parent. Try not to interpret your stepchildren's
resistance or behavior as negative. It is natural and to be expected
for a while. When biological parents allow stepparents the role
of disciplinarian, children often feel betrayed and are likely
to be at odds with both stepparent and parent.
In the beginning, a stepparent may feel threatened by the co-parental
relationship between biological parents. The stepparent should
never be involved with an ex-spouse in an angry or abusive way.
That would be detrimental to the trust children have in adult
behavior. Any conflict should be settled between co-parents, not
the stepparent.
Article Directory: http://www.articlecube.com Mr. Vicente C.
de la Fuente Jr, is a writer and webmaster from onlinedivorceclass.net">Positive
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