| Jerald
Young
Divorce leaves everyone, at some point, awash
in self doubt. We wonder, "How am I going to deal with this?
Can I deal with this? Will I get through it without life-long
scars? What gives me the confidence to believe I can really pull
this off?"
1. "Been There, Done That" – The
Key to Building Confidence for Handling Life Changes
Been there, done that. The message is, if I have
done it before, certainly I can do it again. But what if I haven't
done it before? What if I am being asked to do something that
is brand new, unique, foreign, strange, unwanted, even surreal?
Such is the experience of divorce for many of us, as well as its
sequel, recovery from divorce.
We never planned to get divorced. We never received
training in school in how to recover from divorce. In fact, we
often thought divorce was something that happened to "other
people." However, here we are, knee-deep in our stuff, trying
to make a recovery from divorce, and wondering: "Can I really
do this?"
2. Blessings in Disguise - The Primary Source
of Confidence for Making a Smooth Divorce Recovery
It turns out, "Been there, done that"
is good news for anyone wanting to make a recovery from divorce.
Even though we may not realize it, we have "been there, done
that" – even if we've never been divorced before.
Our life experiences teach us how to make it through
major change. Whether it is getting over our awkward first love
affair in junior high school, making a comeback after getting
downsized, enduring the personal terror of changing careers –
everyone has gone through unwanted change and eventually has come
out the other side. Almost always we are able to acknowledge we
learned something valuable about ourselves we would otherwise
never known.
We call it a "Blessing in Disguise."
A blessing in disguise is a change we did not want to go through,
but did anyway, after which we realized that we derived some good
for going through the experience. Acknowledging blessings born
by unplanned or unwanted change gives us confidence to face other
life changes, including recovery from divorce.
3. An Example of How Your Blessings in Disguise
Can Help You Recovery from Divorce: The Story of Ronald
At the height of the acrimonious chaos of his
disintegrating marriage, Ronald was thrown in jail. His teen-aged
son had concocted a tall-tale of abuse. His wife, all too eager
to retaliate on Ronald for perceived injustices, called the police
and "corroborated" their son's story, even though she
had not witnessed it and their son was an active drug addict.
(Years later, the son admitted to his mother that the story was
made up.)
Ronald was thrown into the "Tombs,"
New York City's infamous jail. Not only was he subjected to the
humiliation of being locked up with 20 or so career criminals,
he also was subjected to sexual and physical threats by the others
sharing his holding pen. After a terrorizing 28 hours he was released,
but had to endure an year's worth of court-ordered restrictions
and monitoring.
He did not think he could deal with the experience
and come out whole. But he did.
Afterward, when he started working with me on
making his recovery from divorce, he found great strength in that
experience. He kept saying, "If I can make it through the
Tombs and the New York City judicial system, I can surely make
it through the relatively minor rigors of my recovery from divorce."
4. What's the Point?
Our life experience has given us the skills to
handle the emotion-laden challenge of making unwanted, but necessary
change. Our job is to recognize that fact and use it to face the
demands of making a smooth recovery from divorce.
Article Directory: http://www.articlecube.com To learn more about
the divorce recovery process and how you can speed up your return
to a "normal" life, go to www.SmoothDivorceRecovery.com
To get a free assessment of your Divorce Recovery Stress Level
go to www.smoothdivorcerecovery.com/stress/index.htm I help divorced
clients return to the mainstream of life with renewed hope, unfettered
by the chains of anger, resentment, and shame that accompany divorce.
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Overview
