| Jerald
Young
Recovery from divorce is hard. The good news is
YOU CAN DO IT. In fact, with some focused effort and a little
help, you can recover from divorce faster than you ever thought
possible. Making a successful recovery from divorce requires both
insight and action. The following tips highlight the most important
insights and actions necessary.
TIP #1 - You are not unusual - You are not alone.
Statistically, there are a lot of us. 40% of first
marriages and 60% of all remarriages eventually end in divorce.
Emotionally, everyone is pretty much in the same boat. Ambivalence
rules the day. Roller coasters are the preferred method of emotional
transport. Realistically, anyone you know whose has gone through,
or is going through a divorce, can identify with the reactions
you are having. You are not alone.
TIP #2 - You can make a successful recovery from
divorce because you have done it before.
You say you haven't been divorced before? Doesn't
matter. All transitions force us to go through the same process
of change - whether it is losing a job, getting married, starting
a family, death of a loved one. Whatever. What we've learned from
these life experiences we can apply to making it through our current
transition through divorce.
TIP #3 - You already possess all the personal
resources necessary to recover from divorce.
Confidence, a sense of direction, and hope seem
to be the first to go when trying to recover from a divorce. But,
not to worry. You already have the ability to deal with it. More
specifically, we gain confidence from successfully navigating
past major life transitions. We find stability of direction from
our unique set of personal principles. We obtain courage to press
on from our personal sources of hope. And, we obtain reassurance
that we are on the right track through a sense of gratitude for
the good present in the current situation
TIP #4 - You need to recruit at lease one "Change
Buddy" for social support and feedback.
We need to find people (or at least one person)
we can lean on for emotional support and count on for objective
feedback while we make our recovery from divorce. These folks
must have two important characteristics. They must have no personal
agenda and they must be able to be honest with you. Only then
can you count on their feedback as being objective.
TIP #5 - You can and must dissolve the massive
resistance to change that comes with divorce.
Fear, loss, and uncertainty about what to do next
sabotage our efforts to make a victorious recovery from divorce.
However, we can handle our fear of the unknown future if we have
a plan. We can let go of how things used to be - even the good
stuff - when we realize there is even more good stuff in the next
chapter of our life after divorce. And, we can resolve our rational
reservations for making a recovery with old-fashioned problem
solving.
TIP #6 - You can and must use what you have learned
from going through the divorce process to make your recovery successful.
Only by using your experience to clarify your
future requirements, needs, and wants for our life after divorce,
can you capitalize on the great opportunity divorce offers. These
learnings apply to your entire life including finances, health,
relationships, and self expression.
TIP #7 - You must lay the groundwork for the many
changes that must occur in order to make a successful divorce
recovery.
Divorce brings change in our relationships, our
health, our financial situation, and our opportunities for creativity
and self expression. A successful divorce recovery demands that
we attend to and plan for this wide range of changes in order
to fully and joyously embrace the next chapter in our life after
divorce.
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