| Larry
Denton, Sat Dec 10th
Are you unhappy with your spouse and your marriage?
Are youseriously thinking about divorce? No matter how you deal
withit, divorce is a messy process. When two people, who have
takena vow to stay together forever, decide that forever is much
toolong, hurt feelings, resentment and bitterness are to beexpected.
The first step is to remember that you are not thefirst couple
to have marital problems--even Adam and Eve hadsome severe set
backs.
According to U. S. government statistics, one
out of every twomarriages will end in divorce or annulment. Many
problems canlead to the decision to divorce. Personal selfishness,
adultery,disrespect of a spouse, inattentiveness in the relationship,being
argumentative, dishonesty, money issues, or difficultiesin raising
the children-- all can be the catalyst which sparks adesire for
separation.
It is possible that the seeds of divorce are sown
even before acouple says "I do." Research shows that
certain relationshipskills, or lack of them, can help predict
whether people areheaded for happiness or a difficult dissolution.
Research byMari L. Clements, an assistant professor of clinical
psychologyat the Fuller Theological Institute in Pasadena, CA
shows that"The ones who stayed happily married were likely
to handleconflict constructively. Even in the midst of a difficult
issuein their relationship, they were likely to treat each other
withrespect."
Grounds for divorce vary from couple to couple
and from state tostate. Marriage, realistically, is as much a
legal contract asit is a personal relationship. Most states now
offer some formof uncontested (no-fault) divorces which are popular
becausethey are easy and inexpensive. There is no single reason
fordivorce. Sometimes, couples simply grow apart.
No matter what the cause of divorce, the key to
a successfuldivorce is communication. This means removing your
emotions.Many times, couples facing divorce allow their emotions
ratherthan logic to dictate their discussions and their decisions.Think
of divorce as a lesson in patience and endurance. Thebiggest divorce
settlement tip--focus on the long-term outcome,not the small-time
details. "Who gets Grandma's tea service?",is not nearly
as important as "how do we raise our children?"
Most people looking for a divorce attorney are
in a state ofshock. They are in grief similar to what is felt
with the deathof a loved one; it is a death of sorts, the death
of a marriage.Choosing the right lawyer can be a daunting task,
but this onedecision can determine the outcome of your divorce
and, indeed,your future life. An uncontested, or no-fault divorce,
can bedealt with quickly and cheaply if both partners agree toseparate
amicably. Unfortunately, this is seldom the case.
Many specifics of a divorce settlement are likely
to get ugly.Child custody, visitation rights, property ownership,
alimony,child support payments, attorney costs--all of these are
goingto be difficult roadblocks. Divorce is not easy for anyone.
Whenyou lose a limb, even when it is numb from nerve damage, it
isstill a difficult loss.
The dissolution of a marriage can often leave
people in a stateof confusion and despair. Often, people tend
to make irrationaland impartial decisions whether it be entering
into a newrelationship too soon, having a continual series of
"one-night"stands, or making large financial purchases--like
a new sportscar or palatial home. Try to avoid alcohol and illegal
drugs.Being in such an emotionally vulnerable state, it can be
easy tofall victim to addictive behaviors.
Make a conscious effort to look forward, not backward.
Do not bejudgmental or angry at your ex-spouse or yourself. A
divorce isnot a sign of weakness or failure. It is the end of
arelationship that simply did not work out. Let time heal thewounds
as you begin to create a new life for yourself. None ofthe suggestions
offered here will relieve your pain immediately,but they can help.
Remember, tips only work if they are used.
About the author:Larry Denton is a retired history teacher having
taught 33 yearsat Hobson High in Hobson, Montana. He is currently
VicePresident of Elfin Enterprises, Inc., an Internet businessdedicated
to providing valuable information and resources on avariety of
topics. For a court room full of additionalinformation to guide
you through this grueling and painfulprocess please visit http://www.DivorceDeal.com
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