Ruben
Francia, Fri Dec 9th
I have seen some divorce parents consciously distance
theirchildren from the other parent? Such actions may only bejustified
when there is a genuine concern about the children'semotional
or physical safety when with the other parent. But inthe absence
of past domestic violence, drug or alcohol abuse,physical, sexual,
or emotional child abuse, alienating childrenfrom the other parent
will never bring any good.
Other parents may subconsciously alienate children
from theother parent. But whether there is a deliberate move or
not toalienate children from the other parent, the same thing
willhappen. Children will always suffer. Remember children generallyfare
best when they have the emotional support and ongoinginvolvement
of both parents and parental alienation must be putto an end.
The good news is we can prevent the devastating
effects ofparental alienation. The key is to begin recognizing
thesymptoms of parental alienation. After reading the list below,don't
get discouraged when you notice that some of your ownbehaviors
have been alienating. Instead, let the list helpsensitize you
to how you are behaving and what you are saying toyour children.
1. Denying the existence of the other parent.
This includeactions like denying other parent photo's within children'sroom,
avoiding conversations with other parent, ignoring theother parent
in public and refusing visitation.
2. Criticizing the other parent. This include
actions likespeaking negatively about the other parent in front
of thechildren, speaking negatively about the other parent's familyand
friends, and comparing your children to the other parent ina negative
way.
3. Placing your children in the middle. This include
actionslike using them as a messenger, having them act as spies,discussing
adult issues in front of or with your children andarguing in front
of the children.
4. Setting up the other parent to fail. This include
actionslike failing to inform the other parent of important events,laughing
at or making jokes about the other parent, encouragechildren to
disobey other parent and blaming the divorce on theother parent.
5. Resisting or refusing to cooperate by not allowing
the otherparent access to school or medical records and schedules
ofextracurricular activities.
6. Telling the child "everything" about
the marital relationshipor reasons for the divorce is alienating.
The parent usuallyargues that they are "just wanting to be
honest" with theirchildren. This practice is destructive
and painful for thechild. The alienating parent's motive is for
the child to thinkless of the other parent.
7. Asking the child to choose one parent over
another parentcauses the child considerable distress. Typically,
they do notwant to reject a parent, but instead want to avoid
the issue.The child, not the parent, should initiate any suggestion
forchange of residence.
8. Refusing to be flexible with the visitation
schedule in orderto respond to the child's needs.
9. A parent suggesting or reacting with hurt or
sadness to theirchild having a good time with the other parent
will cause thechild to withdraw and not communicate. They will
frequently feelguilty or conflicted not knowing that it's "okay"
to have funwith their other parent.
10. When parents physically or psychologically
rescue thechildren when there is no threat to their safety. This
practicereinforces in the child's mind the illusion of threat
or danger,thereby reinforcing alienation.
Now that you have read the above list, don't get
discouragedwhen you notice that some of your own behaviors have
beenalienating. Just think and internalize that children generallyfare
best when they have the emotional support and ongoinginvolvement
of both parents. Therefore, parental alienation mustbe put to
end. Both parents have to work as co-parents.
If you are having difficulty parenting with your
children'sother parent then make your move now. Remedy your situation
bygetting a free copy of my ebook "8 Essential Steps ToCooperative
Parenting and Divorce." Likewise, you can learneffective
divorce parenting from my other ebook "101 Ways ToRaise 'Divorced'
Children to Successfully." For moreinformation, please visit
my website.
With the above information, I hope you will become
an empowereddivorced parent and believe that you can raise healthy,
happyand successful children even if you're divorce.
Copyright by Ruben Francia. All Rights Reserved.Publishing Rights:
You have permission to publish this articleelectronically, in
print, in your ebook or on your website, freeof charge, as long
as the author's information and web link areincluded at the bottom
of the article. The web link should beactive when the article
is reprinted on a web site or in anemail. Minor edits and alterations
are acceptable so long asthey do not distort or change the content
of the article. About the author:Ruben Francia is an author of
an indispensable divorce parentingguide ebook, entitled "101
Ways To Raise Your 'Divorced'Children To Success". Get his
other ebook for FREE, "8 EssentialSteps to Cooperative Parenting
and Divorce." Visit his web siteat http://www.101divorceparenting.com
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