| Ruben
Francia, Fri Dec 9th
It is not the divorce but the conflict arising
after divorce theculprit of most psychological-adjustment problems
the childrenare having. So, how to stop the post-divorce parental
conflictfrom bursting must be given a premium importance by parents
whowant to have a healthy, happy and successful divorced children.
First let us identify the source of most post-divorce
parentalconflict. It is only when we are able to identify exactly
thesource of most post-divorce parental conflict that we are ableto
stop. It is said that building or maintaining regularcommunication
with your 'ex' is one of the most important keysto successful
divorce parenting. If there exist an ineffectivecommunicating
relationship between spouses, one may be left theother uninformed
of the important matters relative to theirchildren and thus often
become the major source of new parentalconflict.
Effective parenting after divorce requires effectivecommunication.
Even if spouses don't like each other, ordisagree on many issues,
they still have to work together as ateam as far as their children
are concerned. Both should knowwhat's going on.
With stronger co-parenting communication, there
will be lesschance of misunderstandings and conflicts between
the ex-spouses-- and a better chance of a healthy upbringing for
the children.
Here are the five goals you can set to improve
co-parentingcommunication:
1. Have a clear, consistent schedules and rules.
2. Keep each other abreast of any parenting-related
developmentsor important issues.
3. Set an appointment to speak with your ex about
any problems,then be polite but firm while trying to solve them.
4. Develop a trust level between each other.
5. Be civil and reasonable at all times.
To keep communication healthy, use these guidelines
when youcommunicate in person with your 'ex'.
1. Be consistent. Make sure your facial expressions
and bodylanguage are consistent with your words.
2. Relax. If your emotions become too overwhelming,
learn torelax and breathe slowly or ask that the conversation
becontinued later. Leave if you have to.
3. Bring a friend. If in the past talking to your
'ex' hasresulted in violence or verbal attack, take another person
withyou.
4. Back off. If your 'ex' is emotionally closed,
back off. Keepon talking and explaining will get angry while your
'ex' getsirritated. Just wait for a better time or write a letter.Letters
are a perfect option for communicating clearly andwithout emotions.
They also allow the other person time todigest what you say.
5. Bounce it back. If your 'ex' attacks you verbally,
reply, "Irefuse to receive that. I need to be respected in
thisconversation and, if you're not able to do that right now,
weshould continue this later." Don't act snotty, superior,
orself-righteous. Be kind. If your 'ex' continues to bait you
intoan argument, leave calmly and quietly.
Remember your children's welfare must always be
your firstpriority. Think about the long-term effects on your
children ofeverything you and your ex say and do. Follow the above
goalsand guidelines. Strive to improve your co-parentingcommunication
then you can create the best possible co-parentingrelation. Do
all these for your children sake.
Copyright by Ruben Francia. All Rights Reserved.
Publishing Rights: You have permission to publish
this articleelectronically, in print, in your ebook or on your
website, freeof charge, as long as the author's information and
web link areincluded at the bottom of the article. The web link
should beactive when the article is reprinted on a web site or
in anemail. Minor edits and alterations are acceptable so long
asthey do not distort or change the content of the article.
About the author:Ruben Francia is an author of an indispensable
divorce parentingguide ebook, entitled "101 Ways To Raise
Your 'Divorced'Children To Success". Discover the ways to
raising healthy,happy and successful children even if you're divorced.
Visit hisweb site at http://www.101divorceparenting.com
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