CHAPTER
SEVEN - When Custody Disputes Turn Ugly!
The
Case of Parental Alienation Syndrome
Parental Alienation
Syndrome or PAS is a phenomenon that develops almost exclusively
as a by-product of separation and divorce.
The late Richard
Gardner M.D. coined the term “PAS” in the early 1970’s
when he started to write about behaviors that he observed in children
whose parents were divorcing. In particular, he noted that among
some of these children, their once warm, loving and healthy relationship
with both parents prior to divorce suddenly altered to the extent
where one parent was loved and the other one was outwardly despised
and rejected.
Upon further
investigation, it was found that the “loved” or “preferred”
parent had coerced the child into a partnership of maligning and
denigrating the other parent. Accordingly, PAS is considered a
condition where one parent deliberately attempts to sever the
relationship a child has with the other parent and in doing so,
he or she engages the child in the vilification of the other parent.
There is considerable
controversy surrounding the actual existence of PAS. This is because
when it was first identified - back in the 1970’s - mothers
were most often reported as the parent responsible for this regrettable
situation. However today, there appears to be an even split between
mothers and fathers who initiate PAS in their children. Nevertheless,
because of the early identification of mothers as the offending
parent, both mothers groups and fathers groups have politicize
PAS. Sadly, this type of politicization – while self-serving
– has taken away from remedying a very serious problem of
children caught in their parents’ crossfire.
WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR PAS - MOTHERS
OR FATHERS?
It
is thought that the shift in the initiators of PAS from being
predominantly an issue involving mothers to one that is now equally
shared by both mothers and fathers as having to do with:
-
Fathers playing a more active role in their children’s
lives
-
The increase in dual income families
-
Child support based on both parents’ ability to support
their children
Based on the
factors just identified, you can now see how finances play into
the mix. However, the more important issue regarding PAS is how
it plays out in custody battles.
PAS is very
controversial. You may ask, how so? The answer has to do with
strong “political” underpinnings which tie into the
issue of child support and who pays it. PAS quickly evolved into
a gender war with two factions involved: the feminists and the
fathers’ movements, each presenting very strong opposing
views. Unfortunately, the attention given to the politics of PAS
has taken away from the real issue - that parents who are selfish
and motivated are using children for revenge and money.
Many parents
are confused as to what exactly constitutes PAS. What needs to
be clearly understood is that PAS goes far beyond one parent “badmouthing”
the other. In true PAS, there is a campaign of denigration of
the targeted parent that includes the involvement of the children
in the process. The critical issue is that the children are active
participants in demeaning, denigrating and rejecting the targeted
parent.
There is no
shortage of PAS resources on the Internet. Simply use the search
terms, “parental alienation syndrome”, and “parental
alienation”, “PAS or Dr. Richard Gardner”.
FREE
PAS ONLINE RESOURCES
- http://www.helpstoppas.com
- http://www.rgardner.com/refs
- http://www.coeffic.demon.co.uk/pas.htm
- http://www.parentalalienation.com/PASdirectory.htm
- http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pasarchive.htm
- http://home.att.net/~rawars/
How
to Know If Your Children Are Being Affected By PAS?
Many parents
mistakenly assume that their children are victims of PAS. AS I
said earlier, the critical issue in PAS is that the children cooperate
with the alienating parents in the campaign of denigrating and
rejecting the targeted parent. It is much more than children’s
observed loyalty and/or upset with a parent that is often observed
in children following their parents’ separation.
Dr. Gardner
identified the following criteria as indicators of PAS:
- There
is a campaign of denigration initiated by the alienating parent
and involving the children
- Weak,
frivolous or absurd rationalization for the deprecation of targeted
parent
- Lack of
ambivalence on the part of the children for their conduct with
respect to the targeted parent
- Children
exhibit the “independent thinker” phenomenon - I.e.,
they attest to not being influenced by anyone
- Reflexive
support of the alienating parent
- Absence
of guilt
- Spread
of animosity to the extended family of the targeted parent
What
Can You Do When You Believe That Parental Alienation Syndrome?
Parental Alienation
Syndrome is a very serious problem. If any of the above criteria
describe your child’s behavior, then do not ignore it thinking
that it will subside or go away on its own. That is not how PAS
works.
Unfortunately,
the alienating parent typically does not stop the process until
there is formal intervention or until the children are completely
alienated from the other parent - no longer requiring their input.
If you believe that PAS is affecting your children, then act now
- DO NOT WAIT!!
Because PAS
is not well understood, many attorneys and judges lack familiarity
of it and consequently, they are often not able to quickly
Identify it.
In light of this, it is imperative that you do not exclusively
rely on your attorney to formulate a PAS argument in court. As
a parent and a client, you must provide your attorney with the
information that he or she will need to convince the judge that
your children are being adversely affected by the other parent’s
actions.
The first
step in dealing with PAS is to recognize it.
The second
step is to educate yourself and your attorney.
When it comes
to informing your attorney about PAS, it is best to do so with
a credible, concise and readable document that summarizes the
relevant issues that differentiate PAS from the normal adjustment
problems seen in children of divorce.
I’ve
prepared a fully referenced e-Report entitled “Children’s
Adjustment to Divorce: The Case of Parental Alienation Syndrome”.
It cites the most current theories and research on the subject
and clearly outlines how PAS develops and what to do about it.
When
Supervised Visitation Becomes Necessary
In a growing
number of contested custody situations, the court often orders
supervised visitation. While in some situations, the need for
supervision may be warranted, in the majority of other cases,
it is not. Sadly, many ex-spouses make false allegations of abuse
against the other spouse in an attempt to limit their access to
the children or simply to be vindictive. If you are a parent who
has been falsely accused of abusing your child, click
here for information from Dean Tong about you need
to do.
For most parents,
the idea of having someone observe them while they care for their
children seems absolutely absurd when they have parented independently
previously. Without a doubt, it is frustrating, upsetting and
for many, humiliating to be subjected to this type of restriction
– particularly when there is no basis. However, in most
cases, court orders for supervised visitation are time limited
in light of the concerns raised. Typically, courts “err
on the side of caution” and impose supervised visitation
until the concerns identified are dealt with. In doing so, the
court still recognizes the importance of maintaining the relationship
between the parent and the child, even though is imposes this
form of restriction.
If you find
yourself in the position of requiring supervised visitation in
order to see your child, then it is wise to consider having a
professional supervised visitation agency involved rather than
opting for a friend, family member or neighbor. Although there
are costs associated with professional supervision, in the long
run it may save you time, money and frustration. The courts generally
trust professional agencies and their reports are also well regarded.
In many cases where the custodial parent is thought to be interfering
with the children’s relationship with the other parent,
a supervised visitation worker will likely be able to identify
it.
To learn more
about supervised visitation, click
here . | 
