| Jeremy
White
The popular saying goes like this: "Breaking
up is hard to do." Yet, when it comes to marriage in the
U.S., a large percentage of us do it. Divorce, however unpleasant,
is commonplace in today's society, and dealing with it during
the holidays is a fact of life with which adults and children
alike must deal.
A divorce - especially a fresh one - can be particularly
trying during the holidays. The Yuletide season is one of giving
and family, and the dissonance of a divorce can greatly threaten
the joy of the season. The challenge to adults is to keep Christmas
spirits high for the children. Just because a relationship has
been ruined doesn't mean a child's Christmas has to be ruined
as well. Here are some tips for making sure that doesn't happen
this holiday season.
Put Your Kids First - Christmas is a selfless
season. It's a time when we focus on charity. Keep it that way.
Think not of yourself or how to "one-up" your ex-spouse.
Instead, focus on the needs of your kids. Ask yourself what you
can do to ensure the holidays are happy and productive for them.
Then do it.
Buy Your Ex a Gift - As much as kids love getting
gifts, they also want to be part of the giving. They revel in
the opportunity to give both mommy and daddy a gift or two, and
it's up to you to help make that possible. Your little one has
no money and no transportation, so the only way they're getting
your spouse a gift is if you suck it up and take them Christmas
shopping. Don't be the parent that's too proud to buy your ex
a gift. It's the child you'll end up hurting anyway.
Don't Hog the Kids - There may be a custodial
agreement in place where the kids spend Christmas with mommy one
year and then with daddy the next. Everyone loses when that happens.
Unless mommy and daddy live too far apart, there is no reason
the kids can't see both. Perhaps they spend the majority of Christmas
Eve at one place, then move to the other to spend the night and
wake up on Christmas morning. Next year reverse roles so that
both parents have the opportunity to watch the little ones wake
up on Christmas morning and see what Santa left them. See what
you can work out with your spouse. Remember, do what's in the
best interest of the child.
Don't Take the Phone Off the Hook - When it isn't
possible for one parent to see the children on Christmas for whatever
reason, don't shut them out completely. Let the kids call them
to say "Merry Christmas."
Old Habits Die Hard - Since Christmas is about
family traditions, a divorce naturally fractures those traditions.
That's especially hard on the kids. When it's possible to maintain
an old tradition, such as helping mommy make cookies or helping
daddy select a tree, do so. When it's not, start new traditions
with your kids. They need them.
Don't Bad-Mouth Your Ex - If you need to complain
about your ex, do so to your adult friends - and don't do it in
the presence of your children. No matter how you feel about your
ex, your children still love them and look up to them. Don't hurt
your kids by badmouthing their mommy or daddy.
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For additional tips on how to truly light up your child's eyes
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