James
Walsh
When life hits wind pockets, it is nice to have
a shoulder to lean on and gain strength. With the arrival of children,
one’s day-to-day life is full of animated moments and all
the challenges involved in ensuring that they grow up to be mature
and psychologically healthy adults.
But some marriages hit rough patches after some
years and are not able to complete their full term. There are
many reasons for this. Extramarital affairs are a main cause.
In today’s world, there are endless opportunities to meet
people of opposite sex at every corner – office, sports
club, gym, the church, the local charity and the neighbours. It
is not difficult to rekindle romantic interests by keeping in
touch through mobile phones, email and chatting.
After some years of marriage, boredom kicks in
as children grow up and do not need constant supervision. There
arises a vacuum in life and one looks for a new partner to make
a fresh start. Some marriages run into trouble almost immediately.
One of the partners may have a psychological problem and take
pleasure in inflicting emotional and physical abuse on the spouse
as well as children. The atmosphere in such marriages turns caustic
and starts having its effect on the mental health of members.
Many people are no longer willing to keep up with this and prefer
to file for a divorce.
When things come down to a split, the relations
of the spouses usually deteriorate to the point of no return.
There is rage among them for each other. Each holds the other
responsible for ruining the relationship. There is also a feeling
of hurt because each invested so many years and a lot of personal
money into the relationship. Over and above that is the emotional
investment one makes to make a nest of one’s own.
Because of this feeling of anger, revenge and
hurt, there is a desire to drag the case through the court and
humiliate the partner through court proceedings. Outrageous claims
are filed against each other. Many spouses go into deep depression
at the perceived bad turn they have been handed out by the partner.
This feeling worsens if there is an extramarital affair involved
or the children are still small and vulnerable.
Really, all this is self-defeating behaviour.
Nobody gains by this desire to hurt and humiliate each other.
Indeed, there are long-term psychological effects of an acrimonious
divorce. One starts living in denial. On the other extreme, the
partner may develop a guilt complex and for many years keep blaming
oneself for what has happened. This easily turns into self-loathing
that can destroy self-confidence and harm the ability of the individual
to enter into any meaningful relationship in the future.
When one divorces, the best approach is to forgive
and forget and move on in one’s life. An amicable divorce
does not allow any pent up feelings to take root. A clean break
without any emotional baggage is very important to leave the entire
episode behind and enter into another fruitful relationship. Approaching
a divorce consultant or a psychologist may be necessary to purge
negative feelings from the divorce and bring the entire episode
to a closure.
Maintaining a relationship with the ex-spouse
is very critical if there are children involved. Children are
very vulnerable and emotionally fragile. They need a secure and
affectionate atmosphere in which they can thrive and turn into
healthy adults. The divorce of the parents destroys their cosy
nest and they panic.
Many start blaming themselves for being unable
to prevent the family from getting destroyed. Most of the kids
from divorced families start lagging behind in their studies.
Quite a few take to a life of drugs and petty crime as parents
become busy with their own issues and begin to neglect children.
It is essential for the parents to remain on friendly
terms after divorce so that children are shielded from the negative
impact of divorce. The former should not pass on their own feelings
of hostility and anger to the children. Even after divorce, they
should remain involved with the day-to-day lives of children like
taking them out on the weekends and visiting their school functions.
An amicable divorce and a good relationship between
the ex-spouses go a long way in healing the wounds of divorce.
It helps the entire family move on with their lives without any
negative psychological fallout.
Article Directory: http://www.articlecube.com James Walsh is
a freelance writer and copy editor. If you want to find out more
about a solicitor managed divorce see www.managed-divorce.co.uk
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